Cartesian Duality

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Carte-d'orsian Duality is a theorem of René Descartes which states that all human experience can be plotted along two axes: The ice cream axis and the mind axis. It has been described as the basic concept behind modernism and the foundation of rationalism and magnumism. It is summed up by Descartes' famous quote 'I lick therefore I am'.

Research Leading to the Conception[edit]

René Descartes had long been troubled by brain freeze as a result of a particularly heavy ice-cream binge with fellow frozen-whipped-milk-products enthusiasts Tom and Jerry. Pondering over this, Descartes realised that brain freeze was a direct result of systems of thought which emphasised the monism of the mind and ice-cream i.e. that they are different manifestations of the same.

Descartes wondered whether there could be a different way of considering the ice cream/mind relationship which could prevent brain freeze from occurring. He tried numerous experiments, theories, flavours and drugs, including a failed attempt to place a 99 flake in Aristotle's preserved brain, a prize Descartes had a received for coming second in the 1623 French philosophers' chilli cook off competition.

After these many years of failed experiments, Descartes finally realised to himself 'I lick therefore I am' (or as it he would have said in Latin 'Lickito ergo sum'). He reasoned that were his mind made of ice-cream, he would not be able to taste the sweet, refreshing sugary-flavours of Haggen-Dass; such flavours and tastes would already exist within him and thus would not be noticed as external stimuli. Descartes' brain freeze then went. Ironically, Descartes died soon afterwards from pneumonia, after his brain had been partially frozen in the cold of Sweden.

Overcoming the Dualism[edit]

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Ever since Descartes published his 'Carte-d'orsian dualism' in his book 99 philosophical statements about ice cream, people have attempted to overcome the dualism. Karl Marx suggested that a diabetic approach to the problem was more appropriate, in which ice cream and the mind were two inter-related objects, which when combined resulted in insulin surpluses, used to lower the wages of the proletariat at times of high-sugar intake. Jacques Derrida theorized that ice cream is always already within the mind and that the mind is always already within ice cream. Thus, 'there is nothing outside the wafer'. It's because of arguments like these that brain freeze still exists.