From Uncyclopedia, the content-free encyclopedia.
Jump to navigation Jump to search

Here lies the Chaffage Grenade, no one can be fagged making this side so it all falls to shit.

Chaffage is derived from chafe, chafing (or nad rubbing) and usually breaks a few layers of skin.

  1. To wear or abrade by rubbing: He chafed his nuts on the rocks.
  2. To make sore by rubbing: Stop chaffing yourself

Area of effect[edit]

Chaffage can occur to any place where something rubs against skin, or skin to skin. All to do with friction but for simplicity reasons ignore air friction.

e.g. Your face getting dragged along carpet.


Chaffage can be elusively compressed to create a Chaffage grenade. These grenadas are effective against Surveillance cameras(see Solid Snake) and Webcams (who wants to see a nut ?).


Don't look at the grenade as it goes off, it causes Grievous Bodily Harm to the nether-regions. Scientists argue as to why this occurs but the only explanation is like seeing someone get a knee to the balls, you feel the pain a little too.

Since the invention[edit]

Any grenade whether it be in games or movies or reality are developed from Chaffage grenades (the first grenade) and in some form damage testes.

  • Fragmentation - Thrown onto the ground then explodes, blowing away balls first
  • Hand grenade
  • Konkussion (what Batty Crease spells with a K, I know of at least one) - causes a pressurized shockwave causing vibrations through the entire body. Eventually giving the subject Elephantitis balls.
  • Percussion - detonate on impact below the belt.
  • Smoke - Uses smoke or some shit. Don't ask me.
  • Incendiary - Example Xbox 360. Singes with heat, balding your significant others.
  • Anti-Tank - Used on tanks...and genitalia.
  • Holy Hand Grenade - Even Jesus had at least one testicle.

As seen in Metal Gear Solid the main character Revolver Ocelot's forgotten arm and "no one knows what he does guy" Solid Snake use these grenades against surveillance cameras to display images on the control room monitors of people in intensive care due to chaffage abuse.

Webcams have become increasingly popular for no apparent reason: A new way of wasting time. Even Chaffage grenades aren't unstoppable as most of these tards like the footage it sends them.

Shock and Awe/Cause and effect[edit]

The shock is the chafing and the awe is you continuously groping yourself in pain.

Chaffage Can be Caused by[edit]

  • Unicycling
  • Joining the Navy
  • Playing rugby with the boys..
  • Completing a Muzzle Run
  • Walking around in soaking wet pants
  • Any form of movement.The best thing is just to stay still and die, quietly.

Since The Creation of This Shite Article[edit]

After 6 months of extensive research ranging from self infliction to tests on rugged gorillas(aka Gangsters) I have compiled my findings here among all the other factual info.

Dear Secret Diary[edit]

Day 1- As the Family Jewels began to throb I couldn't help feel a sense of accomplishment, maybe tomorrow those nuts won't be mine.

Day 2- How could I be this lucky? After getting that tip on how to find free-range gorillas(Follow the sound of the repetitive mating calls known as hip-hop) I stumbled across a pack sharing a pie. I left a trail of 1 cent coins to the South Pole because everyone knows thats where Santa lives, did I muddle the letters I meant Satan.

Day 3- Dammit no progress since I met that albino gangster, a Wigga. I just had to stop all work to beat him with a Fork'n'Knife whist yelling "YOUR ASS IS GRASS." Then I planted grass on the glacier so it Twas true.

Day all the others - 6 months of pounding, probing, poking, placing, picking, pencil stabbing a miniature horse. And fuckin round researching this crud, chaffage or whatever.

Side Effects[edit]

After a certain period of time you will definitely get withdrawal symptoms, I know I did. All you can hope to do is give in to the temptation and let those nuts flame. After awhile it becomes a permanent addiction where you need to wear a cup to stop yourself killing yourself whenself who??

In Conclusion[edit]

If you read this far your a tard. I am now going into the mainstream and worshiping Gangster/wangster/goonit/boonit beats and wishing I was in the same prison cell as Fiddy Cent so we could "talk".

If all goes wrong just ask "what would Jesus do?" The answer is nothing, he never does anything. The only thing he ever did right was die and make his way gracefully into the beds of priests who claim they are virgin Garys.

Since I contracted testicular trauma from all this abuse I can't carry my genetic code on so don't worry.

This is all un-copyrighted and I will be looking forward to your vote in the next special olympics, I mean election.