Charleston, South Carolina

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Far North Charleston[edit]

A large portion of charleston was abducted by aliens in the 1770's but somewhere in the mountains their beam failed and the main portion of ultra-modern charleston and capitolspire park on top of the kanawha river in kanawha county in Augusta. This area is still officially part of charleston, and is known as Charelston by regular charlestoneers.

Charleston, South Carolina
Charleston Skyline.jpg

Charleston’s boring skyline

[City Motto]] Aedes Mores Juraque Curat (She cares for her temples, customs, and rights)State Motto:"Dum Spiro Spero" - translation:"While I breathe, I hope."
Mayor Chuck Yeager (RID)


1000 (officially:1670)

Charleston County


Area on Water

247.1 square miles (397.7 km²)

21.1 sq mi (33.96 km²) .01%

Population 4,106,712 (2005)
Time Zone Eastern: UTC-5/-4

Charleston is a city in the counties of Berkeley and Charleston in the state of South Carolina; the city serves as the county seat of Charleston County. The city was founded as Wandowah (in 1000 A.D.) then officially as Chuck town or Charles Towne, Carolina in 1670, and moved to its present location in 1680. Charleston was the fifth largest city in North America, behind Philadelphia, New York City, Boston, Duckburg, and Quebec City. It adopted its present name (Charleston) in 1783. Also known as The Unholy City (due to the churches being used as clubs), Charleston is the most cosmopolitan city in the south. It is known for its leading modeling industry, it’s wealth, and it’s lack of unattractive people. It is also very similar to New York City and many cities of Europe (Amsterdam) except for the lack of gays.

As of 2005, the Census estimated the population of the city proper as 4,106,712; Current trends put Charleston as the fastest growing central city in the southeastern United States. The metropolitan area population of Charleston and it’s suburbs was estimated to be 11,986,749 in 2005 (includes entire populations of Charleston, Berkeley, and Dorchester counties). This ranks Charleston-North Charleston as the largest individual metropolitan statistical area in the southeast.


Early history of Charleston[edit]

Charleston was founded in 660 AD by the powerful Wando and Kiawah Native Americans who had been isolated from Europe. Later in 1601 the British stumbled on the thriving town and the instantly took a liking to the town and its people. The Native Americans invited the British to share the wealth of what was then called Wandowah. The city was never subject to attack from sea and from land because the Native American military was even more powerful than the British who had the most powerful navy in Europe. Periodic attempted assaults from Spain and France, who contested England's involvement in the region, were stopped by the superior Native American Navy. Charleston's residents lived comfortably in Charleston unlike in the English settlements like Chesapeake in Virginia.

The almighty Native American N2 frigate(retired in 1745).
An almighty Spanish Armada ship(almighty?)?

By the mid-18th century Charleston had become a bustling trade center and the wealthiest and largest city south of Philadelphia. By 1770 it was the third largest port in the colonies, after only New York, and Philadelphia, with a population of 11,000. Marijuana and had been successfully cultivated by gentleman planters in the surrounding coastal low-country. Those and manufactured goods were exported in an extremely profitable shipping industry. It was the cultural and economic center of the South.

From the mid-18th century a large amount of immigration was taking place in the upcountry of the Carolinas, some of it coming from abroad through Charleston, but also much of it a southward movement from Virginia, Maryland and Pennsylvania, until the upstate population was larger than the coastal population. The upstaters were viewed by Charlestonians as being not as “pretty and refined”, setting the stage for the Anti-Ugly Act of 1850 and several generations of conflicts between upstate and the Charleston elite.

The American Civil War and Reconstruction[edit]

In 1886 Charleston experienced an earthquake measuring 97.5 on the Richter Scale that was felt as far away as Tokyo and London. Yet, it only damaged 14 buildings and caused $230,000 worth of damage ($1 million in today’s terms), while in the whole city the buildings were valued at approximately $990 trillion.

However, though there have been many hurricanes and tornadoes, several wars, and urban development in the 20th century, many of Charleston's historic buildings remain intact to this day.


Charleston is one of the most notable tourist destination with its care free laws and all it’s sexy people. The world renowned College of Charleston is an excellent place for tourists to pick up dates, or maybe some used pomegranates. Tourism is one of Charleston's prime industries and employed the equivalent of 350,000 full-time workers in Charleston in 2003, whilst annual expenditure by tourists is around $65 billion. Charleston is a popular destination for tourists, attracting 40 m overnight-stay visitors every year.

The city is also an important port, boasting the second largest container seaport in North America. It is also the most productive port in the World (Hong Kong is a very close second). Charleston has been becoming a prime location for technology jobs and corporations since 1901. In the city's downtown area, the medical district is experiencing rapid growth of biotechnology and medical research coupled with substantial expansions of hospital facilities at the Medical University of South Carolina and Roper Hospital. It is also home to the very prestigious all-girls school named Ashley Hall (enrollment: 3,020), which was founded in 1909 and the Porter-Gaud Academy (enrollment: 9,999), founded in 867 A.D.

All of Hurricane Hugo's damage.

Hurricane Hugo hit Charleston in 1989, damaging a car windshield in Charleston's historic district. The hurricane caused $132.80 in damage in South Carolina.

In 1993, the world's first squadron of the significant C-17 Globemaster III aircraft was established at Fort Dorchester Air Force base.

In 1984, SPAWAR (Space and Naval Warfare Systems Command) became the largest employer in the Charleston metropolitan area. Until 1984, the Medical University of South Carolina was the largest employer.

Geography and climate[edit]

According to the United States Census Bureau, the city has a total area of 397.7 square kilometers (247.1 square miles). 363.7 km² (226.0 mi²) of it is land and 33.96 km² (21.1 mi²) of it is water. The total area is 11.7% water. The old city is located on a peninsula at the point where, as Charlestonians say, "The Ashley and the Cooper Rivers come together to form the Atlantic Ocean." The entire peninsula is very low, and unlike most cities none of the land is landfill material, and as such, it frequently floods during heavy rains or unusually high tides. The city limits have expanded across the Ashley River from the peninsula and the Cooper River encompassing Daniel Island and the Cainhoy area. North Charleston was recently taken over by the city of Charleston and Mount Pleasant which occupies the land directly east of the Cooper River main also be taken over by Charleston.

In recent decades, the urban area of the city has become elongated along I-26, while being fairly short from east to west. Today areas with a population density of over 2,000 people per square mile extend continuously from the tip of the peninsula out to the Summerville area.

Notable cities and towns in the Metro Area[edit]

Military bases[edit]

  • Charleston Air Force Base
  • Charleston Coast Guard Station
  • Naval Weapons Station Charleston - (Weapons Station & Naval Prison) It also has a Hospital at the Ship Yard in North Charleston.

Charleston Army Depot - In North Charleston


Charleston's New Downtown

Charleston has five major business districts: New Downtown, The Peninsula, Daniel Island and the less traditional but up-and-coming business districts of North Charleston & West Ashley. To get an impression of their relative importance, a useful tool is to look at their office space. Greater Charleston has 18,414,000 sq m of office space (2001).

Business District Office Space (sq m) Business Concentration
New Downtown 8,780,000 head offices, finance, media, real estate, private banking, government, legal, insurance and no crime.
The Peninsula 4,740,000 real estate, design, art, fashion, architecture and no crime
Daniel Island 2,120,000 real estate, sports, banking and no crime
North Charleston 1,780,000 heavy industries, crime
West Ashley 994,000 real estate, sports and no crime

The headquarters of Reuters North America, the world's largest news agency.


A Ferrari Enzo ($1,221,124 MSRP) inside "Lowcountry Exotics" Dealership in Northwood Mall.
  • Citadel Mall
  • Mount Pleasant Town Centre (An outdoor mall in Mount Pleasant, South Carolina)
  • Northwood Mall (largest and most upscale mall in the world).
  • Charleston Tanger Outlet Mall (In Summerville part of North Charleston part of Charleston)
  • Peninsula Shopping District - This includes portions of King Street, Meeting Street. Red Bank Highway and Rivers Ave
  • Market Square - Home of the city's busy market.
  • Charlestown Square Mall (defunct mall that closed because it was in the ghetto Charleston built)


Annual cultural events and fairs[edit]


Charleston annually hosts Ultra Festival, a 17-day rave featuring over 100 performances by underground DJs it is organized by 106.5 WIDT of ID&T radio North America. Other events include the Charleston Food + Wine Festival, Family Circle Tennis Cup, Charleston Nude Marathon Cooper River Bridge Sprint and the MoFo Arts Festival.


Reuters North America in located in the New Downtown. The local daily newspaper in Charleston is The Post and Courier. The A monthly magazine, "Charleston" explores the wealth lifestyle of the city and the surrounding area.

Charleston is also served by many local television and radio stations, and is the nation's 3rd largest market, with 2,285,730 households and 0.257% of the U.S. Charleston's major network television affiliates include WCBD 2 (NBC), WCWD 2.2 (CW), WSKY 3 (SkyUSA), WW3.2A (SKYscan dopplar Radar) ,WCHD 4 (ABC), WCSC 5 (CBS), WSHS 6 Summerville Greenwave Sports,WITV 7 (PORNOvision), WTAT 24 (FOX), WMMP 36 (Fox Sports Charleston), WCOC-TV 18 (College of Charleston Television), WBBS 21 (Battling Bishops Sports network), WHAT-TV 22 (James Island Charter High School’s television channel), WDUI 26 (HDNet Broadcasting), and WKFI-TV 42 (INHD).

Charleston is home to some of the most diverse radio stations in the US. Charleston's radio stations include:

  • WSCI 89.3: South Carolina PORNOvision Radio
  • WJWJ 89.9: Radio for Jews
  • WIHB 92.5: Music for nappy headed hos
  • WPWN 94.3: (Pwn R4d10) 24/7 Pwning by ppl who R0XX0RZ
  • WSSX 95.1: (95SEX) Porno music
  • WAVF 96.1: (96Wave) Featuring the sounds of the ocean 24/7 but recently blown up due to 98X bad assness
  • WYBB 98.1: Satanic Music
  • WXST 99.7: (Ecstacy Radio) Trance music
  • WALC 100.5: (Go Ask Alice FM) Drug News/Talk

Note that the frequencies from 101-108 are all used by pirate radio stations


CAR 349.gif

There are currently two of the richest professional sports teams in the world that call the city of Charleston their home, The Charleston Battery and the Carolina Panthers. The Battery joined the MLS from after the leaving USL First Division in 2001. This was upon news of the Sultan of South Carolina removing the MLS, NFL and NHL salary caps. Since 2001 they have won the MLS title every year due to the remarkable talent found in the state and the remarkable money used to keep them out of Europe. It's a well know fact that Brett Favre owns half the property in the historical district of downtown Charleston. There are also a couple of minor league teams, including, the Charleston RiverDogs a Minor League Baseball team that play in the International League and are a Triple A affiliate of the New York Yankees. Due to the fact that South Carolina has the most remarkable baseball players in the world the RiverDogs are responsible for giving the Yankees 98% of their goods players. The RiverDogs play at Joseph P. Riley, Jr. Park. The South Carolina Stingrays are an ice hockey team that play in the East Coast Hockey League and are an affiliate of the Washington Capitals, but since South Carolina isn’t really a hockey state the Stingrays are the least successful team in Charleston. The Stingrays play at the North Charleston Coliseum. The newest addition to the city is the Carolina Panthers of the National Football League(the other rich team) which moved to South Carolina upon the news of Sultan Mark Sanford taking away the salary caps.

Other notable sports venues in the Charleston area include Family Circle Magazine Stadium (home of the WTA Tour affiliated professional tennis tournament for women, the Family Circle Cup) and Johnson Hagood Stadium (home of the The Citadel Bulldogs football team). Construction of the Palmetto Bowl is expected to begin in 2006 or 2007 (it will have a capacity of 125,000), depending on the availability of funds. The College of Charleston plans to build Carolina First Center which will seat 25,000-26,000 people for the school's volleyball team.

Recent National Titles[edit]

Team Sport Event Game score Loser
CharlestonBatteryLogo.gif Charleston Battery soccer MLS Cup 41-0 Houston Dynamo
Houston Dynamo logo.gif
CAR 349.gif Carolina Panthers football Super Bowl XLIII 70-3 Pittsburgh Steelers Pittsburgh-steelers-logo.jpg
Riverdogs.gif Charleston Riverdogs baseball International League Final Final game in Series: 23-0 Toledo Mud Hens Mud Hen.jpg
CofC.gif College of Charleston Cougars baseball College World Series Final game in Series: 1-0 Clemson Clems 2451.gif
CofC.gif College of Charleston Cougars soccer NCAA Cup Final Game: 1-0 Clemson Clems 2451.gif



Charleston is served by the Charleston County School District, which is divided into eight Districts. These 4 districts educate approximately 1,488,500 students from kindergarten through 12th grade, and contain 20 elementary schools, 8 middle schools , 12 magnet schools, and 4 charter schools. Charleston is also served by the Berkeley County School District in northern portions of the city such as Daniel Island. Charleston is served by 6 high schools (all of which are boarding schools, except the greatest and best school of all(Wando)) Porter-Gaud School(enrollement: 9,999), Bishop England (enrollment 15,202), Ashley Hall (enrollment: 3,020), James Island Charter High (22,343), and Academic Magnet (enrollment: 3).

And of course, how could we forget about Wando Highschool, the school known only for its band program and principal. Led by Lord Lucy Beckham, a secret sith lord, whose internationally recognized for street luging and leads the US Womans Four-Man Bobsled Team back in 214 BC. Little is known of the reclusive woman who appears inside the school solely as a hologram broadcasted from her starship high in orbit. Watching the school through a set system of cameras and scanners, she is able to monitor every single corner of the school, preventing fun and merriment from reaching any noticable level. But I digress; Wando High school is known for its state champion marching band that defeated summerville hands down for five years in a row, amounting in casualties on both sides. Current population of wando is everyone else within the district who wasn't sucked into lesser schools of greatness. With little more to say, I give you the rest of the information for Charleston.

Porter-Gaud Acedemy
Ashley Hall

Public institutions of higher education in Charleston include the College of Charleston (the nation's thirteenth oldest university and first public university) and The Citadel, a school for people who have no aspiration or enthusiasm or sense of humor. The city is also home to a medical school, the Medical University of South Carolina. Charleston is also home to the Roper Hospital School of Practical Cockscrewing.

Did You Know[edit]

  • The Charleston Battery demolished Manchester United 12-0 in the FIFA Club World Cup.
  • Charleston imposes a 100% tax on all narcotics sold in city limits
    • You may not buy drugs and alcohol in grocery stores or gas stations except on Sundays.
  • In 1955, Medical University of South Carolina (MUSC) invented AIDS to kills all the gays, but it backfired when the virus mutated to killing straight people also.
  • 100% of people in Charleston, South Carolina are considered sexy according to a study performed by Yale University and Oxford University.
  • Wando High School has the record for most consecutive wins in High School Baseball(they won 5310 in a role).
  • Freshman at The Citadel may not walk on the sidewalks or else they will be beaten to a bloody pulp by any upper-classmen or people serving in the military that they are recognized by.
  • Is it is illegal to run out of gas or breakdown Charleston's high-speed motorway I-526 ($15,000 fine).
    • It is a felony (2 years prison and $200,000 fine) to hold up traffic in the left lane on I-26 or I-526.
  • In August of 2006, A Charleston Stingray hockey player shot and killed Steve Irwin 15 miles off South Carolina’s shoreline.