From Uncyclopedia, the content-free encyclopedia.
Jump to navigation Jump to search

“War is hell, but Cheerios is a damn fine cereal.”

~ Rick James on Cheerios

Cheerios were invented by late scientist Heinrich Himmler in an attempt to create convenient pocket size warp holes. The result was a rather creative, and tasty snack. Unfortunately for Himmler, the experiment was a total failure, as the amount of energy required for the bite sized portal could only be produced when surrounded by an extreme amount of milk. As a result, Hitler dropped the project until the end of WWII. The name for Cheerios, is a fairly common misconception of the project's true name, Fearios.

Post WWII Era[edit]

In 1946, as part of a secret plan to surprise attack the American Government, Himmler calibrated the miniaturized portals to bring in miniature bugs from the planet Htrae, who would ruin the internal organs of the American children. This plan ultimately failed, as a child named Little Jimmy brought a box of the little portals to the Hitler Youth, who were poisoned and promptly died. Upon hearing the news, Himmler, being the Emo that he was, slit his wrists. The famous 'portal' recipe eventually made it's way to the western world, where it was mass produced and released to the public in 1974 by General Mills, a Texas-born cereal tycoon. The entire country was cast into turmoil. Children around the states were all filled with the evil bugs of Htrae, who emerged through the miniature portals and began a sweep over the nation.

US Chopper begins the Htrae invasion.

War of Htrae[edit]

In the year of 1975, President Jimmy Carter declared war upon the bugs and their planet. It ended in disaster. Even with powers such as the U.S.S. Jimi Hendrix, the government could not combat the addictive properties of Cheerios, and the production was not st

opped. President Carter made a last ditch effort to stop the flow of bugs by sending in an elite team of commandos known as the S.U.G.A.R (Super Ultimate Gunning Advanced Recon) unit. They infiltrated the planet Htrae by shrinking down to the size of the hole in a cereal piece and moving through the portal. Upon their arrival, they ran through in a typical action movie fashion, and killed everything in sight. But the hive that created the terrible creatures was heavily guarded, and impossible for any man to defeat. The S.U.G.A.R came to the logical conclusion: send the only black man on the team in to destroy the hive with a bomb, and no chance of survival. And he didn't. The hive was destroyed and the team rejoiced with the rest of the world as the threat of Htrae was absolved forever.

Post War[edit]

With victory in Htrae, the world relaxed, but the threat was not over. Neo-nazi's attempted to recreate the Htrae portals with a new brand of cheerios, Frosted Cheerios. These however resulted in a portal to Hoth and a fairly useless, although tasty, product. Many more attempts have only resulted in failures such as Berry Blast Cheerios (Alternate Happy Universe of Joy portal) and Apple Cinnamon Cheerios (Bat Fuck Insane Universe portal.) One partially successful attempt was the Honey-Nut Cheerios invasion of 1993, where the Queen Bug of Htrae emerged, but was killed and the threat was ended in all of 3 seconds. An immortalization of her likeness can be seen on all boxes of Honey-Nut Cheerios, as a sign of victory across the world.