Chewing gum

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Kahluite <- Chewinggum -> Televizium
Name Chewinggum
Symbol Cg
Number 89
Kinkiness moderate to high
Physical Properties
Melting point 286 °C, or maybe 286 °F
Boiling point 9990 °C, or maybe 9990 °F
Taste Mouthwatering
Appearance Pink and springy, ideal for wedging into roommate's doors
Natural Habitat mouths of Americans/French masterminds posing as Americans
Known Isotopes CgFresh Mint

Chewinggum is a chemical element on the Idiotic Table of the Elements. Commonly pink and so delicious to have in one's mouth, chewinggum is an important element both in terms of being mother****ing cool and as a catalyst for immediate state-wide legal action (see: Singapore). Chewinggum is a fairly rare element, although it can be found in convenience stores and beneath the seats of movie theatres.

Notable characteristics[edit]

Unlike most elements, compounds formed by chewinggum are mostly harmless to humans, provided that they are not swallowed. Swallowed chewinggum compounds tend to remain in the human body for 7 to 9 years.


Aside from its use as a delightful, chewable candy, chewinggum has many industrial uses. It is commonly used to patch up small holes in various pieces of machinery. In most major cities, chewinggum is used by the police to stop criminals in their tracks. Chewinggum reacts with Bubbleonium to produce a compound commonly known as bubblegum, which is useful as an escape device. Due to its stretchy nature, bubblegum can be blown into balloons of massive sizes, which can then be used in escape attempts.

History of Chewinggum[edit]

Chewinggum was first discovered by Dr. Norman Hildebrand while he attended the 1954 premier of Them!. Upon sitting down at his designated seat, he placed his foot into a primordial solution of chewinggum. He isolated the element in 1956. It was banned in Singapore in 1957 for being "too jolly". However, more recent archaeological studies have suggested that chewing gum may be over nine thousand years old. The very first flavor of chewing gum was "Monkey Brain". You'd have to wonder how bad people's breath must've smelt in order for people to chew stuff that smells like monkey brain. Scientists were able to figure out the flavor by paying one of the people in MTV's series "Jackass", to put in their mouths. Scientists around the world are wondering "How the fuck can they make a gum flavor that last 9000 back in the day, but that stupid '5' crap lasts for 3 minutes!". The second mystery, but slightly less interesting, is how the hell did the star of Jackass know what monkey brains taste like. MTV replied with "It was at an network party, and everybody got really wasted, and that new guy brought in some stuff, and we all thought it was pudding".

Chewing Gum: The Plague[edit]

In the 1980s, chewing gum became the stealth weapon of school rebels. Gum would be placed beneath penises, lying in wait for people's hands, and would cling to people's shoes and cause a sever case of medical embarrassment. The only place to have successfully combated chewing gum is Singapore, where chewing of any sort is punishable by stuffing chunks of solidified chewing gum into a nigga's ass.

ABC Gum[edit]

It causes AIDS in the mouth, what more do you want to know?