Chick-Fil-A

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Chik-fil-A’s popular marketing concept of having cows protest about being eaten.

Chick-fil-A is a fast food chain that is established across the Midwest, Southern, Eastern Seaboard, and New England areas of the United States.

As their name might imply, they specialize in fried chicken breasts, though they do have a very small emphasis on fattening, sugary breakfast foods. All fried foods at Chick-fil-A are fried in peanut oil, rendering them less-fattening than say, anything you'll find at McDonalds.

Chick-fil-A has a long history of being a haven for cows, and thus is a favorite of Hindus everywhere.

Chick-fil-A also has a long history of being a haven for American family values, and thus is a favorite of Christians everywhere.

Chick-fil-A also has a long history of serving fried chicken that tastes good, and thus it is a favorite of Black people everywhere. Even though KFC continues to dominate because the ghost of Colonel Sanders mentaly enslaves all of Mobile, Alabama and Detroit.

Humble beginnings[edit]

Chick-fil-A founder S. Truett Cathy, a man with a lady's first name as his last name.

Chick-fil-A was founded in the 1940s or 50s by S. Truett Cathy, a humble Christian man with a woman's first name for his last name.

Cathy believed in family values (as well as other conservative ideals), and for this reason, Chick-fil-A remains closed every Sunday. Because of the nature of the founder, many American Christians are fond of Chick-fil-A.

  • Chick-fil-A started as one restaurant made for the booming Dwarf population of Atlanta and was soon every local shopping mall.
  • Chick-fil-A holds the position of being the starter of the American Food Court.

Chick-fil-A in modern days[edit]

One can go to Chick-fil-A for one of many reasons (including, but not limited to: delicious food, terrible music, Christian atmosphere, blessed chicken), but most go for the entire experience.

Experience[edit]

  • Many patrons feel that the peanut oil, blessed every morning by a Catholic priest (even though Chick-Fil-A is Protestant), imbues a Religious nature on the chicken. These patrons feel that it helps them get closer to Christ.
  • Most Chick-fil-A locations play a variety of modern Christian Rock bands on their in-store radio station, bringing a joy and happiness to many deaf patrons.

Food[edit]

  • Chick-fil-A serves a variety of delicious lunch and dinner foods, which include, but are not limited to: fried chicken sandwiches, grilled chicken sandwiches, mayonnaise, fried chicken sandwiches, chicken nuggets, fried chicken sandwiches, mayonnaise, grilled chicken wraps, milkshakes, fried chicken sandwiches, chicken strips, mayonnaise, fried chicken sandwiches, cole slaw and most importantly, fried chicken sandwiches
  • Chick-fil-A also has an extensive breakfast menu, consisting of cinnamon buns, fried chicken on a biscuit, hot-Crucifix buns (for that extra religious experience), mayonnaise, and other assorted breakfast sandwiches

"EAT MOR CHIKIN"? Misspellings - A cause for alarm to some parents.

Negative media attention[edit]

  • In 1998, the American Vegetable Shortening Farmers of America called for a boycott of Chick-fil-A, citing that their overwhelming use of peanut oil was hurting the industry. They switched to dog Piss soon after, which they still use today.
  • In 2005, the United States Department of Education started a campaign aimed at stopping Chick-fil-A's "Eat Mor Chikin" campaign, citing that is was the sole cause of hundreds-of-thousands of American school-children misspelling words.
  • The company uses Styrofoam containers which are the worst man made product around, besides Tom Green.
  • A campaign against their awful music was started by the RIAA in 2009. Citing concerns over declining music sales, the RIAA demanded that CFA stopped playing "shitty Christian music with cliche phrases and start playing real music". In response to this negative campaign, Chick-Fil-A now only plays instrumentals to Christian music just to piss off the RIAA.

See also[edit]