Chimera (Resistance: Fall of Man)

From Uncyclopedia, the content-free encyclopedia.
Jump to navigation Jump to search

This refers to the Chimera from Resistance fall of man. For the Genetics meaning of Chimera, get out of here and created it.

Bouncywikilogo9.gif
For those without comedic tastes, the "questionable parody" of this website called Wikipedia have an article about Chimera.

A deadly race of aliens, the Chimera are the most powerful overlords since the Pokemon enslaved humanity. The Chimera have taken the liberty of doing the same (enslaving humanity) but this time with inteligent, audible quotes... rather than "pika pik apika I TORCH YOUR ASS PUNY HUMAN!! pika pika pika!" Most information about the Chimera is guessed by so-called "scientists." This doesn't affect their deadliness or blood-curdling logo, though.

Arsenal... Heh, heh, "Arse"[edit]

The Chimera have a range of tactics up their sleeves that may be used to annhialate all humans. They include:

-Weapons that don't exist, but should

Not a Chimera... but a close relative.

-Cats

-Playstation 3 games

-NuclearMissiles

-Cartoon shows with poor production values

-Guns

-Michael Jackson

-fucking retard presidents

-And, of course, logic


Chimera in History[edit]

The Chimera, besides attacking Earth, have also been in great positions of power throughout history.

President Abe Lincoln-Chimera[edit]

President Abe Lincoln-Chimera.

Born in 1678, President Abe Lincoln-Chimera came into life and was immediatly attacked by the Chimera virus. he became ill, but at the age of 14 he regained strength and fought the British for control of Britain. Startled by his supreme fighting tactics, his leader Obi-Wan Kenobi took him in and honed his abilities. As soon as Abe Lincoln-Chimera's abilities were at his highest, he ate Obi-Wan.

After his training, Abe Lincoln-Chimera became the first President of America. For a breif period under his command the country was called "Chimera Command Post 46", but the name was dropped and he continued presidency as normal. In 1789 he caught a cold and the Chimeran virus evacuated his body. Abe Lincoln, without the virus, died a sudden death.

After his death, his second wife had his child, who would spread the Chimeran virus through the heirs until it would reach George W. Bush-Chimera, who would trade in the virus for stupidity at his local pawn shop.

Adolf Hitler-Chimera[edit]

Monarch Adolf Hitler-Chimera.

Born in 1986, Hitler-Chimera very quickly became an artist and drew up several masterpeices and the blueprints for Uncyclopedia. Unfortunately, at a very young age he was attacked by the Chimeran virus and turned into an evil monarch vowing to exterminate the Jews.

In World War II, he started a new race of Chimera called the Lepers. These Lepers, being incredibly slow-witted and dumb, attcked him and destroyed his monarchy. With no more followers to go with him, Adolf Hitler-Chimera decided to kill himself. He did so, and the Chimeran virus fled.

Video Game Appearances[edit]

The Chimera have been featured in some of the best video games ever.

  • Resistance: Fall of Hamburger Man
  • Butt Ugly Martians
  • Full Auto 2: Battlelines in Space
  • Muppets vs. the Face-Eaters
Not a Chimera... but just as ugly.


Home Planet[edit]

The Chimera's origins are unknown. Most people reckon they evelved from fish, then flew into spae and became dragons, before turning into amphibious blobs and asploding. Bob, of the Luxemberg medical assaciation, tells us that after this asploding, the Chimera spread out over the Universe. Based on this information, we can conclude that the Chimera have no home planet!!

Types[edit]

The Chimeran species ranges from many different types. Each variant or type contains their own strengths and weaknesses. Note that each type is equally as retarded.


  • Crawlers: Crawlers are small beetle-like creatures used to spread the Chimeran infection. Though capable of limited flight (and a few excretion-like talents), they are most often delivered by Speiw missiles. Upon finding victims, Crawlers penetrate their bodies, usually through the mouth and nose and bumcrack. They inject the Chimeran virus and quickly expire. Their Village Cinemas Gold membership card also expires. The infected host falls into a coma as the virus begins the inexorable conversion of the host into a Chimeran creature.

Distinctive features: Beetle-like appearance, two asses


  • Lepers: Crawlers which fail to infect a host will eventually evolve into Lepers. They first seek out sustenance, such as human or animal corpses. Once they have gorged themselves, they develop a protective pupae, a Leper Pod. They spawn from their pods upon maturation. The voracious young Lepers attack opponents with teeth and claws. They should be dealt with at range whenever possible. Easily handled individually, Leapers are lethal in large numbers. Their farts are also most lethal.

Distinctive features: Small, quadruped, green tinge, tail with double tip, farting power of seventeen suns imploding


  • Leper Pods: Leper pods are Chimeran eggs where Crawlers grow into Lepers. They are rather boring but they don't talk back.

Distinctive features: Pulsating sack (whatever the hell that means)

A Slipskull's disguise is most effective and fools many a wandering stranger.
  • Slipskulls: Slipskulls are cunning opportunists who prefer to take pot and make people blind rather than face their opponents. With their speed and stealth they excel as scouts and ambushers. Slipskulls scale waters and oceans to gain an advantage on their prey (and win swimming competitions), they resemble tree frogs that scale trees with their webbed feet. They also have a brilliant disguise mechanism which is very difficult to overcome.

Distinctive features: Thin, found swimming in the Atlantic ocean (very rare to be found standing on two feet)


  • Michael Jacksons: Michael Jacksons are a type of Chimera that is attracted to young boys around the age of 5-16, and would invite them to his house where he would provide a ride of roller coaster, and then rape them.

Distinctive features: A Michael Jackson-like face, along with a Tic-tac sized penis.


  • Hybrids: Hybrids are the most encountered Chimeras. They carry the Bullseye weapon. Their appearance is mostly humanoid, although they have scales and their heads look like a ferocious lizard rather than human. Hybrids are humans that have been infected with the Chimeran virus.

Distinctive features: Carry Bullseye rifles, four pyramid-shaped cooling towers on back, attraction to platypus

Michael Jackson has, on many occasions, been confused as a Chimera. This is untrue. Chimera are not paedophiles. There has been, however, a type of Chimera that is named after him.

See Also[edit]

Creatures That Are As Deadly As The Chimera[edit]

Creatures That Are As Ugly As The Chimera[edit]

Home Planets Of The Chimera[edit]

ThinkerToilet.jpg
This Piss is being Reviewed
This article is incomplete, but help is on the way. Please don't put it up for VFD or QVFD or slap any other maintenance templates on it until the bear cavalry comes.
Help this page by leaving comments for its author on its talk page
or on the article's entry in Pee Review.