Chris Crocker

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Christopher Jayne Crocker, is or has been known as a famous German male/female prostitute who lives off his/her infamous YouTube videos, and the interest off a bank account containing a large fortune of earnings from past sessions with the late-night street-walkers and law enforcement personel of Detroit, Michigan (USA).

Early Life[edit]

Chris Crocker, also referred to as "Chris Cocksucker", "Fuckurus Homowagus Shanuous" or "Chris Cocker" which is a scientific name meaning "To be homosexual", first came to be in 2003 when a scientist named Sharnay Luzzabich failed to perform an experiment in a private laboratory in Weiner, Germany. This experiment involved the use of Hydrogen Oxide, Jenurus Poroxyde, Flan, Pro-active Acne Cleanser, a gallon of Cover Girl cosmetics, and several pages from the latest issue of The Advocate. The mixture of all these ingredients resulted in an explosion, which then caused an eruption of transvestite-coloured fluid to pour out all over the floor of the laboratory. This fluid was surprisingly non-corrosive. But do not be fooled, it had yet to do much more damage to the world than anyone could have possibly imagined at the time. The fluid, much to Luzzabich's surprise and disgust, immediately morphed and took the shape of a scrawny, skinny, 18-year-old german boy. This boy, although an authentic nazi, spoke the way of an extremely camp american politician. Luzzabich, now fascinated for some reason, greeted the experimental mishap, who replied with a snobby flick of his long blonde hair, and a smack of his lips, which were already covered in brown lipliner and bright pink gloss. And with that, it took to the streets, running from the local police officers and sodomizing german rubber-tree plants, until he finally found a small clothing store where he could steal the latest gay fashion. With his somehow already developed brain that was evidently made out of flan, cosmetics and magazine pages, he immediately claimed the title "Chris Crocker", and resorted to prostitution until he had enough money to move to Tennessee in the United States to make his big YouTube debut.

YouTube Career[edit]

Chris Crocker is said by some to be a "YouTube Comedian" or "Walking, Talking Reality Check", whilst others criticize him, saying that he is a "Camera Whore", or "YouTube Obsessed Bitch". What she (excuse me, I meant HE) really is is a tranny who shoves sheep up his ass while the speed-addicted, schizophrenic queef named Fred farts on his face and he eats Cole and Dylan Sprouse's poop, and then he lets Britney Spears' ballsack flap in his face while he licks Rush Limbaugh's erect nipples as Tay Zonday sticks his erect penis in his hermaphroditic evidence while he farts on it. Then he goes to have necrophilia sex with Joseph Stalin who enjoyed wearing spotted tutus and getting pregnant with Rosemary's Baby, which we see everywhere on YouTube, who is Elmo. Either way, the famed former prostitute has several famous joke videos which have been viewed by millions of netnerdnardtards, who simply view videos of gay rants just so that they can go out of their way to insult them. These joke videos include "My Mother was a Beef Junky", "The Secret to Poodle Sex", "Gay Guys vs AIDS", and probably the most famous of them all, "LEAVE SLUTTY POP STARS (who can actually stand up for themselves) ALONE". In fact, what is probably the most famous is also the first video Crocker posted as a "Serious" video. From then on, videos such as "Girls love their Dog's Mouths" and "Gay People should not fight in the Cover Girl Online Forums" posted by Crocker were also said to have meant something real and serious.


Little do people know, Chris Crocker dons a mustache behind his bedsheets.

Chris Crocker currently resides in an unknown location, filming his gay pornos and YouTube clips using a webcam, concealing his backgrounds in darkened, enclosed areas. Sometimes a grellow sheet is used to hide the fact that he lives in the birginianian woods - but then, this fact cannot be confirmed. He is too confusing. People also constantly speculate whether Chris Crocker is an unrealistically gay male, a female testosterone tablet junky, a mixture of both, or simply a deformed uber plasmatic space-o-tron who just popped up from Mars and just so happens to enjoy using Sheer Cover to polverize its skin's rabies. Certain Australians also have testified that Chris Crocker is a fundamentalist christian. Although such a belief is unconditionally a load of bull shit, the possibility has been added to the list of Doohickies involving Chris Crocker. Also, according to the religion of Herpeism, Chris Crocker is said to have mystical powers that allow him to control the minds of the U.S. Army and Government - meaning tax cuts for everyone. Apparently, the Dope of Herpeism, Killian Bitchhound, claims that when mounted correctly, these mystical powers should erupt from the Great Crocker's unit simultaneously, ending all pain and suffering in the world. Such a belief is criticized by most europeans, saying that Ultra Jesus would not allow such an anti-christic act to be made in existence.

Chris Crocker and Britney Spears[edit]

Britney Spears the night she found out about Chris Crocker

Chris Crocker is well known for his plea to get the Media to stay away from the strong, wealthy, junk-ridden, Amy-seeking popstar Britney Spears, in his majorly infamous YouTube video "LEAVE BRITNEY ALONE" (also known as "LEAVE SLUTTY POPSTARS [who can actually stand up for themselves] ALONE"). Not only did this cause a large outcry from every sane homosexual on the planet, and a major disturbance in the force, it also caused Britney herself to flip out in an epileptic seizure, during which she urinated all over the state of Minnesota. Britney Spears was then reported to have "Disowned YouTube" as a result of Chris Crocker's erratic behaviour in his video clips, claiming that the videos were simply "Nauseating", like that of a stoned baby eater. Completely ignorant, Chris Crocker continued his revolting obsession with the Hollywood slut, considering the idea of moving back to Germany and giving as many men and children HIV as he could, in order to show how much he really idolized Britney.

Countdown to AIDS and the End of the World[edit]

It has been announced on Chris Crocker's website that he and his pals will purposely contract AIDS on AIDS Awareness Day 2012, calling the phenomenon "Countdown to AIDS". He then said "If you're not with me then fuck you!", following a long pause and added "We're all gonna die anyway so fuck it!". However, Chris is unaware that he already has AIDS, and will on that day he will create AIDS 2.0, (It's created when a person with AIDS, and Chris Crocker with AIDS have hard, steamy sex up the ass and in the mouth afterward still with shit still on their 1 inchers, then taking a dump in their mouth which is more likely than you think.) a virus that will probably kill us all, and result as the 2012 apocalypse.

It is uncertain if Chris Crocker will commit this strange form of suicide because of the imminent 2012 apocalypse, or to brag about steadily moving towards becoming the first an hero to commit suicide from AIDS.

When asked about this by a male reporter, Chris Crocker, being the bitch (s)he is said 'Fuck you.' slapped him, and tried to seduce him. (his usual interaction with men) When he failed to seduce the reporter, he retreated to his home so he could continue to hump Michael Jackson's dead body making it very possible that it will create AIDS 3.0 on AIDS Awareness Day 2009.

Other Famous Quotes[edit]

“Leave Me Alone, i like anal”

“Leave Jesus Alone, he's got a massive cock”

“Leave George W. Bush Alone, he's a talking penis”

“Leave Obama Alone, he needs more time you Bastards!”

“Leave Tiger Woods Alone”

{{Q|Leave Irate Gamer alone, just because his research is crap beyond belief!

“Leave Jay-Z alone, he's my faggy boyfriend who watches Barney and Freemason hentai with me!”