Chronicles of Canon and Anon

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“I don't get this.”

~ Anoymous Reader on Chronicles of Canon and Anon

“Finally! A script so profoundly full of crap it mirrors my innards!”

~ Oscar Wilde on Chronicles of Canon and Anon

“I should've handed Moses this instead of the ten commandments...”

~ God on The Chronicles

“This script is Gay and Huffable at the SAME TIME! yyyyes!”

~ Some gay fan on Chronicles

A very accurate self portrait of the author.

The Chronicles of Canon and Anon is a series of short play scripts that involve characters often designated by numbers, ranging from 1 to 10. The definite origins of the series is unknown, but many literary researchers hypothesize it to have been circulating underground since the early 1950s.

Themes and Motifs[edit]

Often times, the plays are set in a fictional desert, or other such isolated landscape. Each characters retain a certain individual personality that is left undeclaired for the readers to postulate and deduce from the language usage of the character and the progression of the dialogue.

A most likely setting of all this nonsense.

Throughout the series, a repeating theme of hiccup is presented, at least in one of the total characters in a single play. Some believe that the character labeled by the continuous hiccuping is in fact a subtle reference to Jesus Christ, or a christ-figure embodying pain, suffering sacrifice, and a load of crap.

Another common theme is the death of one of the members, whether induced by other members or accidental. In "The Chronicles of Canon and Anon #1: Introduction," character #3 was killed somewhat accidentally due to #4's cup of cyanide. In the second episode, none of the involved characters die, but a dead snake is seen in the oil puddle of the plane wreck, which the characters proceed to consume.

In their review of the Chronicle, The Gay Team remarked that this whole series was in fact a revelation for the Pro-Gay-straight-anal-sex movement, seeing that all characters were male; this claim is yet to be confirmed.

Episode 1: The Introduction[edit]

1- hey

2- dude

3- *hic*

2- huh?

4- hey

3- *hic*

1- what's up?

2- nothing much.

3- *hic* h-hhi

(1 gives 4 a pair of socks)

4- thank you

5- hey!

1- you're welcome..and you?

3- *hic* no t-thanks

2- how have you been doing?

6- hello!

1- hi!

2- hello there! I was just...

3- *hic* he-y b-but *hic*

6- I'm sorry?

4- hi there.. didn't notice you

5- lovely weather no?

6- indeed.

1- well then.

2- yes. very well done.

5- how about medium rare?

3- *hic* I - I need--

6- oh do keep to your manners will ya?

4- (silently thinking...occasionally miming something in the air)

1- so how are you all?

3- why I'm fine thank you

2- of course I'm great

3- *hic*

6- as always

5- never better.

4- ...

1- and you sir?

4- *hic*

3- *hic* hey-y s-so you t-too

2- oh dear

6- we have a situation down here

1- do we need backup?

3- *hic*

5- we may need barcodes!

4- *hic*

2- barcodes! brilliant!

1- well then.

2- yes, yes, always well done..

5- but medium rare! what happened to that?

3- *hic* w-what o-of th-e -ee b-bbar c...

6- hurry now

1- alright, I will make the call!

5- to where?

1- to the public restroom ofcourse.

2- why, we're in middle of a desert! be there any around?

6- do you see any?

2- nope.

1- exactly!

6- yes, exactly.

3- *hic*

4- ...

2- why, YOU seem awfully quiet today

1- were you not just..

4- yes I Was.

6- oh.

5- oh.

3- *hic*

2- oh.

1- oh...I see.

5- do you?

2- of course.

1- yes..that explains everything!

6- so what is it?

1- we..

2- yes? yes?

3- *hic* *hic*

5- come along now...

1- need....

2- oui? oui?

4- ...

6- we have not forever!

2- barcodes?

1- wat..

7- Hello gentlemen!

2- wha?

4- hey there

6- 'allo.

5- salutations

2- oh hi hi.. didn't notice you there...

1- why hello!

3- *hic*

7- this person is hiccuping!

2- indeed!

3- THAT's the word I was looking for!

1- and was I saying something?

6- sure thing.. I believe..

3- *hic*

7- this looks pretty serious.. how long has it been going on?

1- mm about..

2- the whole time this was going on.. yes..

5- hmm were you saying something?

1- can't remember...

3- *hic*

4- ...

(group momentarily thinking)

7- what he needs is a cup of water.

(all gasp)

1- my... that..that's

2- purely..

5- amazingly..


4- ...nice.

3- *hic*

1- I believe that was the word I was getting to eh,

5- perhaps. indeed.

2- I heard him say "wat"

6- what?

7- what?

4- ...

3- *hic*

1- wat.

2- yes. wat.

5- what?

2- yes. wat.

6- ohhhh Watt!

7- ah. haven't seen him for awhile...

3- *hic* (spazz lightly)

1- ohh dear, what's up with him?

7- I believe that he is spazzing

2- ha! sounds awfully like "spamming!"

4- I love spam.

5- dare not steal any of my spam!

6- candidote! 'tis time for me to go...

7- same here.

1- indeed

2- nice idea.

3- *hic* h-hey.. b-b-but..

4- ...

1- so...

2- yes, lets.

5- alright.

(1/2/5/6/7 walks away)

3- *hic* p-please..

4- ...

3- *hic* (spazz, falls on the ground, and begins to twitch violently)

4- here.

(gives him a cup of water)

3- *hic* T-thank.y-you

4- mm

(3 gulps down the water)

3- ah...

4- crap.

3- oh my life savior, what do you mean?

4- ...

3- ..?

4- ...

3- ....?

4- I must say, it was nice knowing you.

3- ......?

4- now I will go get myself another bottle of cyanide.

3- ........!!

4- goodbye.

3- ...

(4 walks away)

(3 begins to hiccup again)


Reception in Public Media[edit]

The public displayed mixed responses to the Chronicles, with some claiming that the author was probably huffing kittens, and some others claiming that it was a work of God, writing the new bible in symbolic form. Both arguement sums up to the Chronicles being a load of crap anyways, but the author is yet to reveal himself to the public view and respond.

Authorship Controversy[edit]

Possible portrayal of Anon man. Notice the strikingly different pose from Canon man.

The anonymous author of this chronicle identified character #4 to be the character that resembles the author the most. However, this remains unclear, as no further evidence exists. Furthermore, a recent investigation suggests that there may be a second author, or a co-authorship on the chronicle, the secondary author identifying himself as "Anon Man". The Gay Team claims these two authors to be the Gods of Gay Alliance momvements; this claim is yet to be confirmed.

Some speculate that Anon was at one time the well cultered final boss of the internet although no varification can be given. Police reports state that a small yet well organized cult was discovered to be the base of operations for Anon. The leading members escaped during a military raid resulting in a drastic drop in the sale of Respect on the internet's black market. Popular belief states that Anon deals in the smuggling of chocolate milk to this day.

See Also[edit]