Chuck E. Cheese

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Remember kids: Stay in school, don't do drugs.

“If only the world had a place where a kid could be a kid, and I can be a perv. If only.”

Chuck E. Cheese (b August 5, 1960 Charles Ernesto Cheese) is a maniacal tool / demon that is still alive today. It, or 'he' as it calls himself now after 'he' grew a penis, owns a factory that creates mind-boggling creations served to satisfy the desires of small children that are forced to go to his display conventions of their own accord. He is allied with Wikipedia and the Czech Republic in their cruel attempt to take over the universe.

History of Chuck E. Cheese[edit]

Chuck E.Cheese actually derives from a little known chain, which was called "Pizza Time Theater." Originally, a front for laundering crime money from his Guda cheese smuggling racket, the Chuckster aka Daniel MacCormick was riding high on the cheese craze of the late 80s. Unfortunately, FBI jr or the ATF as they like to be called, overstepped their obscure jurisdiction, and conducted a raid on a showbiz in Kennebunkport, Maine. The ATF without a warrant, Chuckster quickly changed the name of his chain to Chuck E. Cheese to keep the poorly funded and grossly under trained government agency off his trail. On a side note, Chuck E. (or "Chucky", as his minions and enthralled children call him) used to wander the high roads of Ancient Greece feeding on the flesh of cheese-like children or the wonderful goodness of cheese itself. He has always had a desire for cheese from the moment he saw it at his own creation. He will stop at nothing to obtain it. Chuck dawgs (Street name; not to be mistaken for Chuck D) has been involved in several types of Dallas gang related violence and oppression against the Jewish race in his late teens. He then was sentenced to murder for killing his nemesis Rat Cheese whom was a Jew rat. Chucky cleaned up his ways and eventually was let out of prison on parole.

He opened Chuck E Cheese's in 1977, at age 17.

Cheese retired in 2012, and gave up his throne to his only son, Bullion "Bull" Ernesto Cheese (born September 24, 1992). Bullion is a 20-year old punk rock singer.

"Chucky" in Modern Days[edit]

Chuck E. Cheese after a "good show"

Now Chuck E. Cheese owns a factory which creates inventions used to draw children to his display shows across the world. Once the children are lured into there they are tested for their cheese content by eating plastic-tasting Cheese Pizza. These plastic-tasting pizzas are promptly vomited by disgusted children, and are then tested by his minions (disguised as janitors and bus boys). If the child has a high cheese content, he is taken into the back-room and raped to death before being savagely eaten alive by Chuck E. Chucky is not what he seems to be, in front of parents who allow their kids to attend the Chucky display show. Camera and photo shots from back-stage seem to show the mouse masturbating over a piece of cheese and molesting low cheese-content children, though these videos are believed to be AudioEdited, PhotoChopped, and MeTubed.

Chucky is also the owner of the CBS network in East Monkey Land.

Chuck E. has recently taken some time off and has been learning from fellow abuser and cheese lover Chris Brown.

It is a common myth that Tyler Durden started Project Mayhem, but Chuck E. is in fact the founder of this holy and noble movement. Yoko is Chuck E.'s new friend.

Hec has also employed Dillon Assburn to be a waiter at birthday parties.

Chuck E. Cheese's[edit]

Chuck E. Cheese's, founded by Satan himself, is possibly the worst, um, I mean best place to take any small child. For the children they have many things to do. Some things include games which are either impossible to win or really gay. Some important games even teach kids the most important things to life, such as; theft, friendship, and how to kill your wife and get away with it, thanks to O J's popular game conveniently named "I killed my wife and got away with it". However exciting this may be, there are more ways to have fun. Another way is the ball pit. There, your children can play in a sea of plastic balls (where they can possibly be lost forever) and get repeatedly stabbed with heroin addicts' hypodermic needles and catch only the finest hepatitis a, b or c. Your children can also play in the plastic tubes that hang dangerously from an asbestos filled ceiling. Not only do your children take a risk by climbing in these spacious holes because of the fall factor, now they face a fear of getting the ever-so-popular mesothelioma. For additional fun make sure your kids are claustrophobic before entering these tubes. They also have one of the world's greatest pizzas, mainly comprised of small larvae, plastic, your mom's old tampons, and potatoes au gratin. And for drink options they only sell sodas with the highest caffeine levels to insure your child is extra annoying tonight.

Chuck E.'s relations to O.J.[edit]

Chuck E. has inspired Orange Juice Simpson to write his famous book "If I raped a kid at the back of a Chuck E. Cheese's." Which followed Orange Juice's first book. And just like the other one it was quickly taken off the shelves. This quickly lead to more lonely men coming into Chuck E. Cheese's instead of young boys like Chucky would've liked. This is when Chucky decided to change his slogan from "I like cheese!" to "Where a kid can be a kid" and stopped advertising on the Playgirl channel and started sponsoring PBS. Chucky then quickly raped Orange Juice and sent him to jail. Orange Juice thought he was getting remarried.

Chuck E.'s Inventions[edit]

  • Unmovable video game console (U. S. Patent # 9,593,340)
  • Plastic-tasting Cheese Pizza with sauce that is more solid than the bread (U. S. Patent # 8,945,299)
  • Gumballs laced with LSD (conflicting reports as to the inventor)
  • Stained, dirty floors (Patent rejected due to prior art)
  • Big purple faces that consume rubber balls children shoot at them (U. S. Patent # 9,723,211)
  • A giant claw machine children can play and win various indentured servants. (U. S. Patent ##9,876,543)
  • A giant net used to capture and enslave tiawanese children to fill the previous giant claw machine. (U. S. Patent #9,567,435)
  • A hypnotic device which convinces your mom to prostitute herself outside of his facilities. (Patent rejected do to (already owned by CHKD)
  • Large nets that entangle high cheese-content children (Patent pending)
  • An arena of urine soaked plastic balls (for the heterosexual children) (U. S. Patent # 9,230)
  • A confusing labyrinth of plastic tunnels which lead to Chuck E.'s lair (disqualified for patenting after the U. S. Patent and Trademark Office lawyers decided Windows 95 could not be patented)
  • Expert marketing, requiring a minimum of $4986.21 be paid in order to receive a minimum of 5,000 tokens to exchange for tickets in games for the Hot Wheels car instead of just going to the 99 cents store and buying one. (In the mathemical equation used to find this answer, you must add amount of tokens you would waste on the Jurrasic park game and still not get tickets)+5,000 divided by the number of times a little ******** baby cried inside of a Chuck E Cheeses because it was waken up.
  • Chuck E. Cheese was converted into a strip club in 2008.

Some Annoying Things Chuck E Did In Life Were[edit]

  • Crush Mr. Lunt's car
  • Crash Through Subway, eat fresh!
  • Get Crotch Muncher so dirty.
  • Kill Lucy (of Charlie Brown).
  • Actually kicked the football unlike Charlie Brown.
  • Put his tongue under a girls skirt.
  • Make a Birthday party annoying.
  • Lose Ronald McDonald's disguise.
  • Mistake Grimace for Patrick Star.
  • Hurting Hamburglar's Leg.
  • Burn down Doug Funnie's theater.
  • Invented a car that runs on asses
  • Steal The Krabby Patty secret formula.
  • Deep fried R Kelly.
  • Murdered thousands with Ronald McDonald
  • Give the Middle Finger after he acts in a play.
  • Almost killed Voltar
  • Kidnap 100 pregnant Pikachus
  • Invented the Microsoft Xbox kinect.
  • Stole your bike.
  • Raped Dora the explorer during the Wedding video.
  • Drank the last beer.
  • Created the Fred character
  • Destroryed the Earth in The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy.
  • Raped girls as an islam
  • Raped Justin Bieber
The 12 Fundamental Cheeses
*Not to be confused with "Holey" Cheese
The 3 Noble Cheeses
*Also known as "Negative Cheese" or "Dark Dematta"