Chump Rock

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A hand chockin' out.

“I pity the fool who doesn't love the Chock!”

~ Mr. T on Chock

Chump Rock (or Chock) is a form of artistic expression which stands proudly at the pinnacle of Western high culture. It combines music, dance, audience participation and guitar gurns to great effect. Luminaries in the field of Chump Rock include (but are certainly not limited to) Bon Jovi, Bryan Adams and U2.

Notable Chock lovers[edit]

The Pope admires the Chock before breakfast and on Tuesdays, but definitely never both as it has been known to hinder his The Force on occasion.

Bono[edit]

Bono Vox (latin for speaker of bollocks) is currently lobbying world leaders about the beauty and satisfaction inherent in Chump Rock. He is doing so with extra money left over after paying all his taxes in full.

Jesus[edit]

Jesus taught disciples to spread the word of the Chump Rock during the 1980s.

Mr. T[edit]

Mr. T is his second favourite form of musical expression behind acapella Church hymns.

Notable Chock loathers[edit]

George Dubya Bush[edit]

Bush (and Bliar shortly thereafter) would like to see Chump Rock illegal in all 51 states by March 2008.

Simon Cowell[edit]

Simon hates it because he's got bored of (allegedly) exploiting young children and their love of the Chock.

The Chock compatibility test[edit]

The following are a number of questions designed to find out if the testee is compatible with Chump Rock.

  • Q1. Do Bon Jovi make you want to juggle bricks blindfolded?
  • Q2. Do U2 make you want to eat glass for tea?
  • Q3. Does Bryan Adams make you want to throw darts vertically somewhere still and lofty?
  • Q4. Do Coldplay make you want to play solo hot potato, with two potatoes?
  • Q5. Do Nickelback make you want to train an army of small children to beat you with spoons?
  • Q6. Do Audioslave make you want to pogo head first into a tree trunk?
  • Q7. Do Razorlight make you want to drink bleach?
  • Q8. Do Keane make you want to swim to the bottom of the ocean and stay there?
  • Q9. Do Snow Patrol make you want to put drawing pins in your shoes?
  • Q10. Do Franz Ferdinand make you want to practice dental surgery on yourself, without a mirror, using a regular household drill?
  • Q11. Do AC/DC make you want to shut your own hand in a car door?
  • Q12. Do Aerosmith make you want to fight an angry bear armed only with a jelly shoe and a jam sandwich?
  • Q13. Do Creed make you want to set your own hair on fire?
  • Q14. Do Evanescence make you wish a flock of pigeons would crap in your mouth?

If you answered yes to any of the above questions you have contracted a heavy Chock. The questions you answered yes to are the symptoms you exhibit. These symptoms can be eased with Chock medicine, but there is only one cure for Chock: asphyxiation.

The Mann-Wilde theory of Chump Rock[edit]

The theory states that a world bereft of Chump Rock would allow consumers the ability to live in harmony. Most importantly consumers would no longer have to decide whether to admit to liking Chock and risk making themselves look a twat to strangers.

Chump Rock rock[edit]

Chock rock is a proposed Mt Rushmore-esque cliff-face of legendary Chock star Tony 'Blair' Bliar which aims to be a bigger waste of time and money than the Millennium dome.

Chocktails[edit]

Chocktails are alcohol beverages inspired by the art form. They are often noted to be a more pleasant experience than Chock music itself. Here are some Chocktails well-known the World over:

Rum away[edit]

A mug of rum topped up with hot piss.

Rummer of 69[edit]

A mug of rum topped up with warm piss.

Rum to you[edit]

A mug of rum topped up with cool piss.

Chockolate vodka[edit]

Tastes like rum and piss and is served ice cold.

Chivia and Chacts[edit]

  • Chump Rock music doesn't echo.
  • Most Chump Rock fans believe themselves to be tone deaf.
  • Chock is a swear word on the 300 year running fly-on-the-wall reality TV series Neighbours. Chock also figures predominantly in the shows theme, but draws heavy criticism due to it's constant innovation.
  • Everybody who likes Chump Rock goes to heaven - it says so in the Bible.
  • Love as a concept did not exist until sung about in a Chock song.
  • Chock is famous for making ardent atheists and agnosticgnostics devil worshippers and pregnant respectively.
  • Lighters were used to light cigarettes before Chock came about.
  • Chock is known to release the same endorphins as those involved in the victor of an argument about religion or vague, obscure and unidentifiable football trivia.
  • Noel Edmonds is universally believed to be Chock personified.
  • Most White people prefer the majestic melodies and heartful lyricism frequently found in Chump Rock over Hip Hop which has incidentally never, not once, exhibited either of those things apart from on an underground album recorded with a antique microphone by Fiddy Cent which went on to only sell 10 million copies.
  • Chock increases a goldfish's memory to that of an elephant's which leads them to dabble in different swimming techniques before ultimately succumbing to a life of depression. Incidentally, goldfish suicide rose 10% during 2001 and reported cases of schizophrenia among goldfish rose by 0 and 32% respectively.
  • Chock is spelt chououououck in Britain. This is because language was invented there in 1996 by a largely unknown inventor called Oscar Wilde. It was also invented for a second time in 2004 along with all other thoughts, ideas and objects by renowned Chock lover Johnny 'borrow' Borrell (the lead plagiarizer of chocking rack band Razorlight).
  • Chuck Norris' real first name is Chock.
  • Status Quo have the best selling Chump Rock record of all time 'Chockin all over the World' and they continue to do a World tour of the UK each week to promote it. It has been number 1 in the UK singles chart for the last 30 years.

See also[edit]