Church of Vandalism

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Because of their incurable biases, the so-called experts at Wikipedia will probably never have an article about Church of Vandalism. We are sorry they insist on being this lame.

The Church of Vandalism is a Christian denomination that believes jesus was teh ghey.

Origins[edit]

The Church originated when someone (known among Vandalists as St. 119.1337.689 or The Sacred IP) filled the "Christianity" page on Wikipedia with a bunch of gibberish (known as "Teh bibel". The IP was banned, but persistent vandalism on related pages such as "Bible" or "Jesus" began to spread the message that this vandal was above normal banning methods. He was deemed a demigod, and a group of vandals began to follow his teachings.

Teh bibel[edit]

The complete text of Teh bibel:

jesus was teh ghey im cool jrsus was a jurk, You r dum im not Jimy is meanmangos, jesu was ghey. SHORTS SHORTS SHORTS im 1337 ur not jesus wasnt 1337 becas he dnidt eat magos an i do u donture ghey. somke maruwana. (i like marawana, is 1337

Teh bibel as it appeared originally. This screenshot was the only one taken before it was edited to oblivion.

Teh bibel is open to wide interpretation because of its seemingly nonsensical nature. It is unknown if the original vandal wanted the page to be taken as a religious text, but it is almost certain that the repercussions of the act changed Wikipedia. At this time, many observed that since the page was left like this for almost a day, many people were misinformed, and rumors began to circulate about Wikipedia's trustworthiness. Teachers still often deny Wikipedia official credibility, and the press often comes out with articles about Wikipedia's inefficiency.

Beliefs and Practices[edit]

Vandalists believe that they should vandalize Wikipedia whenever they get the chance. This creates a major hassle for King Jimbo and his minions, because they technically cannot ban these people as this is religious discrimination. Aside from this, there are several other Vandalist beliefs:

  • Read Teh bibel once every day.
  • Eat a light dinner of mangoes on Sunday, and spend the day smoking marijuana and reading Teh bibel.
  • Post on Wikipedia's pages, giving the official Church of Vandalism story of Jesus.
  • Put "jesus was teh ghey" stickers on your car.
  • Oppose any politician whose ideals run contrary to the Church's ideals.

No official services are held, but once a week Vandalists post on a chat room talking about their experiences with vandalism. Christmas is not observed, although one Vandalist theologian suspects that "Jimy" is a reference to Joseph, Jesus's father.

Clergy[edit]

The Church has no official clergy, but the sole moderator of the Church's chat room calls himself "The Supreme Overlord" and is recognized by many as the leader of the Church.

Rational Debunk[edit]

The original Teh bibel was probably written by some guy on an acid trip. According to Professor D. Thomas of Harvard University, the vandalism was most likely written by a group of men in their late teens or early twenties that decided to screw around on Wikipedia. The later edits of Christian-related pages were in the same pattern, and it is likely that the same group of individuals did the same thing on other computers. Says Professor Thomas, "The drug-induced ravings of several men cannot serve as a rational basis for a religion." The Church's only reply to this challenge was a single piece of vandalism on Harvard's Wikipedia page that said "tomas isa gay ashole". This is, however, suspected to be a truthful, informative comment and not a heresy accusation.

Statistics and Legacy[edit]

There are roughly 240 Vandalists in the United States, and about 30 abroad. Although this makes it one of the smallest religions, it wields a lot of power within wikis. The Vandalists have the power to make and unmake entire wiki hosts, and only by complying with their demands can they survive. To balance this article in their eyes, we have included the Church of Vandalism official story here.