Class of 3000
|Class of 3000|
The Class of 3000's logo of DOOM.
|What it is||Cartoon|
|Who's running it||Cartoon Network|
|How long is it||22 minutes|
|No. of episodes||Classified|
|Would Oscar Wilde watch it?||If he was drunk.|
Class of 3000 is a highly violent animated "musical" series for kids, created by former OutKast rapper and Laffy Taffy joke writer André 3000 and written by the people making Metalocalypse, and first aired on November 3, 2006 and stuff. Andre demanded an exaggerated oscar-type ceremony for its debut alone, which only attracted children looking forward to watching murder (much to his delight). It is currently running on Cartoon Network, and chronicles the adventures of the main character, "Soggy Barges", and his class of 3000 kids, who are the titular characters. It takes place in the year 3000, where black people and spics take over the world, thus making the world a large corrupt ghetto. Because of the black/peanut butter uprising of 2012, the human civilization is severely pushed back in technological terms.
Only 7 of the kids are the main focus. The rest of the 2,993 others are either there or expendable, or they just get written off, mainly because Andre is too lazy (or possibly dumb) to make 3000 original characters.
The general message the show is trying to get through to children is that killing is wrong. But when you're killing people through music, then that's perfectly legal and A-OK.
Soggy Barges is a man who likes flan. A little too much... his craving for flan drove him to the brink of insanity to where he killed over 150 people for flan alone. He was arrested, and spent a decade in jail. Fortunately, he got off easy, because they understood his addiction. He vowed never to eat flan again, but could still feel the need to kill.
Many years passed and he grew up to be a rather freaky adult who became abnormally obsessed with hip-hop (or "hop-hip" as he somehow calls it) and polka music. What he doesn't know is that he was created from a strand of Michael Jackson's hair in a science lab, making him and Michael one and the same. He is on the run from the media, who aim to expose him for who he truly is - mass murderer and party-clown.
Fortunately, while on the run, Soggy is mistaken as a teacher at a school he ducked into while escaping called Foshizzle Jr. High. The principal, being high on crack, mistook him for one of the teachers who recently died and thought he came back to life for his job, so he hired him and assigned him to class 3000, which is full of 3000 kids. Soggy realizes he can accomplish his dream through this class--to lead an army full of youthful, musically talented, mass murderers. I mean, children are the most precious things in the world... and when they are mass murderers, would you have the heart to shoot them? Well, maybe if they were really hideously deformed and ugly, or zombies...
When these kids grab ahold of their instruments and play, they warp all time, space and reality into the image of the music they are playing, bringing forth a world of beauty and wonder... shortly before proceeding to kill all people around them listening to it.
- Soggy Barges - The main character, created from a strand of Michael Jackson's hair. He appearantly has a great interest in his children, but he refuses flat out that it may be pedophilic. He also is afraid of water, so he never takes a bath. He keeps a low profile to keep the media from finding out who he really is; A mass murderer and part-time party clown. Later in the series it is revealed that he was partly made from Flavor Flav's urine sample as well. He also has inhuman abilities, such as invoking the wrath of God on people and tying himself into a knot. His instrument of choice is the "butcher's axephone", (a butcher's axe combined with a saxophone.) and can cleave people to pieces with it.
- Li'l Dork - The supposed "leader" of the kids. He often is the "second-in-command" to Soggy's future army. Li'l Dork is characterized as a midget with a giant head and usually wears a military general's hat. He often screams at his friends and demands they wash the shitty toilets with their bare teeth. Has been known to be extremely, aggravatingly, annoyingly overconfident and often gets the other children in trouble... in what kind of trouble, that is best left unsaid. His instrument of choice is the "harm-onica", a harmonica that fires harmful and deadly rays at unsuspecting victims.
- Paprika Stones - The fattest girl of the squad, daughter (read: devil spawn) of Oprah Winfrey, and the "ghetto child". Paprika is a ruthless, heartless young girl who finds delight in beating the crap out of other children (and adults) with her bare fists. Hell, she'll beat up anything that moves since she's such a bitch. Like Oprah, she can even eat people whole, but she can only get them halfway in, and is training to swallow them whole effortlessly like her dear old mom. Her trademark phrase is "eat `em or beat `em", in this respect, and hopes to become as powerful a military overlord as her too. Her weapon of choice is the harp (to strangle victims with).
- Jackie Chan - Jackie Chan is a movie star, martial artist, and professional stuntman who does his own stunts. What people don't know is that he has a twin sister, named Jackie Chan. He's the oldest of the children in the classroom and the tallest. His instrument of choice for his death-dealing is just about anything that isn't nailed down as well as his fists and feet. Also, he plays a keyboard made of steel for which to bash people with.
- Jackie Chan - Jackie Chan is a movie star, martial artist, and professional stuntwoman who does her own stunts. What people don't know is that she has a twin brother, named Jack Chan. She's the oldest of the children in the classroom and the tallest. Her instrument of choice for her death-dealing is just about anything that isn't nailed down as well as her fists and feet. Also, she plays a xylophone (with sticks) made of steel for which to bash people with.
- Frilly Frill - The gayest member of the 7 main kids. He's a silly-billy, with a small willy and he's always chilly. Frilly Frill (as you can see in the picture) is no stranger to being overbearingly gay, and of which he is with (way too much) pride. To further prove this, he is prone to dressing in very odd clothes that go beyond all logic of homosexuality and acting like a complete, utter nerd while forcing random kids to play Dungeons & Dragons with him. While there is really nothing wrong with being either one, personally, when Frilly Frill does it, you wish he'd stop disgracing both types of people. His instrument of choice is the "brass guitar", a guitar that is made of brass and can crush people's heads in when used as a club.
- Edward "Radical Ed" Wong Hau Pepelu Tivrusky IV - A child from space and a deadly computer hacker, Ed hails from a place called Cowboy Bebop and joined the class as a child from the woods. The blonde kid in the picture above was the original Edward, who's name was a hell of a lot longer, but was "removed" after the 3rd episode, and this Edward took his place because, well... he's a lame-o. She is just as nimble a murderer as he is, but is not as southern, not as boyish (girlish?) and not as rich... but she is smarter, so that has to account for something. She can play any kind of flute, which she can also use to blow people's organs out from their body at rocketing speeds.
- Madison Flyingspaghettimonster Poopadoopalous - The only other kid with a super-long name. Madison, as her middle name implies, is part flying spaghetti monster. Her mother was a human and her father was a flying spaghetti monster... but she mainly appears human. Though that hair could be spaghetti monsterish. Anyways, she was also southern like the original Eddie, but now she is the only southerner. Like her mom, she shares her love of life, and like her dad, she shares his love of killing. She is classified as, usually, a dumb blonde, which she is and is proud of it, but is smart in the ways of death, and likes to burn pumpkins. Her instrument of choice is the "sprello", a cello that sprays quick-flesh-melting acid at victims. She later turns into a evil bitch under the alias, "Lord M". She sometimes thinks she is Sharpay Evans. This causes her to think Frilly Frill is Ryan Evans, due to Frill's homsoexuality.
Throughout the show, not only are there wide numbers of murders, but there are songs strewn all around. Given that this is one of those shows that pepper you with musical soundy things, that's to be expected. Every episode has a song. Here is a list of the songs played so far.
- Life without Puberty
- Throw Up
- Oh Penis
- Fight the Bush
- A Poor Shade of Poo
- We'll Devour Your Soul
- U.F.O. Clinja
- Big Fag Bag
- Spoony Love
- Fool Fatty
- Mini Midgets
- The Cruel Fool Dues
- Farm Bong
- Make A Mess
- Frilly Frill, You Fag
- Crud Bud
- 1 - Street - Soggy comes to Foshizzle Jr. High after a Benny Hill style chase through the city. This is where the whole show begins and stuff.
- 2 - Penis! Get Yer Penis! - Eddie loses in a gambling bet and the mafia then start to come for his thumbs, but decide to humiliate him and take his penis instead. In the end, the mafia are arrested and everyone laughs, except for Eddie. They then sing a song about fruit.
- 3 - Satan and Li'l Dork - Li'l Dork dies in a car accident and meets up with Satan down in Hell. Everyone revives him with the Dragon Balls and it all turns out cool. The moral of the story is that when you have the Dragon Balls, you can always cheat death.
- 4 - Fugly Monkey - A gorilla escapes from the zoo, breaks into the school and kills the english teacher. The moral of this story is that gorillas need to kill too. Eddie is eaten by Paprika, and it was too late to save him. Paprika comments that "he was delicious" and they sing a song about eating.
- 5 - The Hunt for Red Blacktober - The class decides that fat people are fun to kill, so they go out to kill them, because they pour more blood and look like exploding whales when they die. On the way, they find Radical Ed and make her a part of the class. Paprika tries to eat her but fails, and they sing a song about how fat Rosie O'Donnell is.
- 6 - Edward's Funny - Ed flips out and kills people for the first time in the show. The other kids are delighted, as is Soggy. They sing a song about it.
- 7 - The Spaz from Alcatraz - A demented, homeless, wandering 60 year old Alcatraz escapee who is wanted for dealing 'dope' and kitten huffing finds his way into the school and is mistaken for a student. The lesson learned is that drug dealing is okay as long as you don't get caught. Guest stars Dog the Bounty Hunter.
- 8 - West Side Gangsta - The Class of 3000 become gangstas and explore how life is when yo' in da hood, dawg. Word.
- 9 - Love Is in my Hair...Pit of Death - Jackie Chan (both siblings) become freakily obsessed with that black guy, and get all freaky and shit about his penis and if it's real. Then, they realized that it was only his hair. The gang then sings a song about hair.
- 10 - Am I Red - Frilly Fril's Invention turns all the kids into evil Demons who want to steal everyone's ink pens. Satan returns to take them in, but then they revert, he recognizes them, and kicks them out. Then they sing a song about crabs.
- 11 - Crack Yankers - The kids go on the internet to see a 12-year old fag say that Soggy is teh sux0rz. The kids then get into a flame war and sing a song about the internet entirely in leet speak.
- 12 - Humongous Tumors - The kids get killed when Barbara Streisand's humongous ass crushes the school. They all burn in Hell and sing a song about bitches. This is the series finale... unless Cartoon Network orders a second season. Then we're all doomed.
- 13 - Nothin' To It But To Screw It - The kids arrive in hell, where they are robbed of their drugs. Later, that Paprika bitch kicks Satan's ass for no reason and they leave. Then they sing a song about kicking ass and the Irken Empire.
- 14 - Heaven... Hell yeah - The kids get rejected out of heaven. They come back to Earth, where they think that Jackie and Madison are strippers. Then they sing a song about vegetables.
- 15 - Free Frilly - Frilly Frill becomes the leader of army of lesbians. He wages a war against the non-homosexuals, but then Gladison arrives and tricks him into beating himself up with his own fists, which calls off the army. Then they sing a song about whales.
- 16 - Paprika and the Feast - Paprika goes insane and promptly devours almost everyone on the first floor of the school. She then laments that she ate too much and has develops heartburn. They then sing a song about eating, again.
- 17 - Safety? Who Needs It? - Radical Ed learns the hard way what happens when you jump in front of a mack truck speeding down the road at 300 mph. The lesson learned is that if you're going to play in traffic, make sure you're properly equipped. Then they sing a song about GEICO.
- 18 - Cruddy Buddies - Soggy Barges and the kids agree to find really awful friends and befriend them. One of the friends is a 3 year old girl who then beats Frilly Frill unconscious with a banana. They then realize they suck at being friends, so they kill them when they sing a song about friendship.
- 19 - The Not-Cure - Soggy is sick with the flu, so the class is taught by the substitute teacher for the day, played by Forest Whitaker. The class sneaks out during a lecture on the USSR, only to be caught by the substitute. The remaining 15 minutes of the show is a single frame with a photo of orange juice in a glass. They then sing a song about grapefruit.
- 21 - Big Robot on Campus - Soggy Barges' latest musical experiment warps the kids into the anime world where they discover a Gundam. They then steal it and go on a rampage, then realize that the lesson for today is that stealing is wrong... unless you really really need it.
- 22 - Galactic Idiots! - Frilly Frill orders a rocket, with wireless internet, just so he can look at gay porn. They all go to space and encounter aliens. Then they sing a song about the sun and kill the aliens. This episode guest stars Duke Nukem.
- 23 - Ice Cream Sunday - The kids ride their bicycles on a street, unknown to them that the street is actually a railroad. The kids are dumbfounded when they see a train coming down "the street". They then sing a song about Herpes Simplex 2.
- 24 - Death Of 3000 - The kids meet Steve Ballmer, who tries to kill them and manages to. Madison escapes and with horrid images of the deaths of her friends running through her empty head like blood, she becomes the leader of a infamous cult known as "The Hostile Nation".
- 25 - The ! Pictures Topic !' - The kids arrive at BZPower where they meet the noobs and get their proto stolen, so they must fight The mods and report topics and spam up NMQ&A. Then they get eaten by conner and they sing a song about Omi.