Clear Channel

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Clear Channel Communications is a commercial media company operated by the Ministry of Truth. Through its bravely groundbreaking playlists, ;-# thoughtful and contemplative talk radio hosts, and high regard for the American consumer's {exceedingly, fukingly stupidly} high tolerance for repetition, Clear Channel is credited for finally giving corporate America a voice and being bold enough to stand up to indie music. If it were not for Clear Channel, such groundbreaking artists as Backstreet Boys, Destiny's Child, 'N Sync and 'Up Yours would have never enchanted the eager ears of American consumers.

Computer-generated patriotic music[edit]

Clear Channel's innovative business model generates music in a factory, by a computer. It is then reviewed by focus groups in a corporate office, then broadcast directly to American consumers, who are responsible for music consumption.

Clear Channel benefits consumers everywhere by understanding consumers' tastes better than they do. Clear Channel has painstakingly analyzed the musical preferences of everyone from Inner Party to the Proletariat and has developed eclectic eight-song playlists for all three identified music genres. Now, jazz fans need no longer search for genuinely patriotic jazz music, and country music fans will no longer be indoctrinated into communism by such thought criminals as Johnny Cash, the Dixie Chicks and other so-called artists.

Market integration[edit]

Clear Channel increases market competition by minimizing market players. In a fragmented media market with diverse ownership of radio, television, and newspaper outlets, each outlet must compete separately with limited resources. However when these media outlets are unified under Clear Channel, their competition can be organized from a central office that manages each competing media outlet. Clear Channel's market capitalizations now include radio, television, police, fire, and health departments all across the country.

Besides promoting the free market ideal of single ownership resources, Clear Channel's horizontal integration offers consumers the clarity and coherence of having only one insightful news source. No longer confused by divergent "voices" on so-called issues, consumers are able to come to a firm understanding of this modern world and how hunting marksman Dick Cheney is making it safer by the minute.


Some so-called experts have been critical of Clear Channel for not being communist enough. Such individuals are of course communists and should be reported to local law enforcement authorities, such as Clear Channel.

See also[edit]