Clint Maddison

From Uncyclopedia, the content-free encyclopedia.
Jump to: navigation, search

Clint Maddison, also known as Mr. Universe 1932, Captain Fedora and Humphery Bogart, is the world's second greatest private-eye (after Sherlock Holmes), as well as a part-time radiator, living in California.

Background[edit]

Clint Maddison was raised in an orphanage after his parents were run over by a slow-moving bicycle. He seperated himself from other kids and became a loner.

At an early age, he started the fedora-hat trend with detectives all around the world, and became the Orphanage's detective, finding out petty crimes like who stole last night's pork pie to who pissed all over the walls.

An Actual Detective[edit]

It wasn't since Sherlock Holmes that a detective this good had come along. He was so good that Sam Spade committed suicide just to get Maddison's attention.

Over time, he teamed up with Eddie Valiant, and began solving a handful of toon cases around California. Maddison then went private for a time and worked on his own, until Valiant forced him out of business.

Slightly Unemployed[edit]

Although he was without a job, Maddison still had hundreds of cases to get through, as well as a hundred Whisky bottles to down, 500 dames to sleep with, and 50 Packards to smash up in high-speed chases.

All of his cases are shown below in the Books section. If you have any intelligence at all, you will look at that section, or you will die in seven days.

The Solar Pons Incident[edit]

Maddison was one of several detectives who sued Solar Pons, along with his old rival Eddie Valiant, and won $100,000 in damages. Funny thing was that Maddison never knew Pons and had nothing to prosecute with, he just wanted the money.

Death[edit]

Maddison died later, in 1984, due to Tony Blair introducing the Soviet Union to Great Britain and taking out a lawsuit against anyone mounting an investigation against him, which meant that Maddison was for the chop.

Books[edit]

The Chronicles of Banarnia[edit]

  • The Maltese Buzzard
  • The Dame of San Fernando
  • Death by Camera
  • Some Film Noir Story
  • Epic Movie

Typical Gumshoe Stories[edit]

  • The Bank Heist
  • Machine Gun Frenzy
  • High Sierra chase
  • White Heat / Black Heat
  • The Postman Always Fucks Twice

More Average Film Noir Crap[edit]

  • The Murder at the Bar
  • Death by Shooting
  • Yet Another Typical Detective Story
  • My Aunt Lies Bleeding, As Does My Dog Colin