Cluons

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Those obsessed with so-called experts should thank their lucky stars that Wikipedia does not have an article about Cluons.

Cluons are a type of adhesive, used to stick clues together, to solve mysteries, and possibly even "whodunnits," if you will. Cluons were discovered by John Holmes, and first popularized in his father Sherlock Holmes' 1888 novel Sir Arthur Conan O'Brien and the Case of the Mystery in which Andy Richter uses cluons to stick together the magnanimous amount of clues required to foil the plot by Jay Leno to assassinate Sir Arthur Conan O'Brien.

Cluons are the only known adhesive that has successfully joined multiple Cluepons together. The result of this action was utterly hideous, leaving all historical records of the event to be wiped, and never spoken of again.

Rebuttal[edit]

Cluons are an invention of the liberal media, used to slander George W. Bush. At no point does the Bible ever mention cluons, therefore they do not exist.