Codename: Kids Next Door
Codename: Kids Next Door is a low budget cartoon about five children who rebel against exaggerated symbols of authority using nonsensical artillery. For some reason beyond comprehension, the show is covered in Wikipedia more thoroughly than World War II. The series was created by Someguy Withdowns and produced by Gouge-Your-Eyes-Out Pictures. The series debuted on Cartoon Network on April 20th to celebrate the birthday of Withdown's childhood idol, Hitler.
Broadcast as two episodes per half-hour, or two fifteen-minute dosages of suck, the central characters are five ten-year-olds who operate from an admittedly awesome giant fucking tree house against the tyranny of adults who act just like ten year olds. The central characters are the members of Sector V, which is but a mere fraction of a global organization called the Kids Next Door.
The Kids Next Door Organization is a worldwide group consisting of billions of kids joined in mutual struggle against adult tyranny. They fight villains that embody specific menaces to children overall, like being forced to wear clothes or go outside. Following a period of useless training, the kids are then assigned a number and sent to a giant fucking treehouse that nobody seems to notice despite having a fully operational defense system). They then spend every minute of their spare time hijacking ice cream trucks and blowing up art museums. Despite their ability to build incredibly advanced robotic devices through the magic of what is commonly referred to as the nigger rig method,(Booger detectors) they still find 4th grade mathematics to be difficult. On the same note, even though they have enough spare time to construct said devices, they complain that they have too much homework. Even though they have the near-infinite amount of money necessary to build their military-class technology, they still complain about not having enough allowance.
edited quotes of the TRUE episodes
'"AT THE GIANT TREE HOUSE'"
Numbuh One: All right guys, some grandmother is forcing her visiting grandson to do homework.
Numbuh Four: That witch! Let's go and murder her!!
Numbuh Two: You want to choke her or use a revolver?
Numbuh Five: Remember, make sure she does not suspect anything.
Numbuh Three: Its not personal, is it?
Numbah One: No. Its just business.
AT A REGULAR HOUSE
We see a giant basement, made into an evil laboratory, where an old lady is about to lower her grandson into a giant container of homework paper.
Old Lady: Alright young man, you have to file these tax papers for me.
Billy: Why are you doing this?!
Old Lady: Because Billy, when you don't do homework, you have to pay the price!
Old Lady: Don't cry, sweety.
Old Lady: Hello, children, want something to eat?
Numbah Tree: Come here, I've got to tell you something.
Numbah Two: Its a secret so you have to lean in real close.
Old: leans what is it?
Numbah Three: Power wears out to those who don't have it!! (stab lady in neck with own glasses)
Old: AHHH!!! (dies)
Numbah Two: Hey kid, does this old hag have any friggin' brownies or what?
The five main characters are codenamed Numbuh One through Five. The misspelling of number is part of the show's canon, as evidenced by the wiki article.
Numbuh One is a Pissed Off kid and a grown up version of Stewie Griffin. He got vocal surgery to attain a British accent. Bald, football-headed, and a hatred of authority and vegetables, Numbuh One is the leader of the group and secretly, he has a fat ass. He does vocals and guitars for the brutal death metal band, Rectal Prolapse. His insane skills on both instruments easily put Trey Azagthoth, Chris Barnes, Karl Sanders, Nergal, and Skwisgaar Skwigelf to shame. He also thinks he's Jean Luc Picard due to mental problems and watches Star Trek Next Generation Marathons.
Numbuh Two is a Paste-Eating Chess Club Captain Who Needs To Be Set On Fire represents all obese children of America. He is a strange child.
Numbuh Three is obsessed with dolls and rainbows and unicorns. The daughter of Bruce Lee, she has NO kung fu skills and is a great disappointment. But since she is Asian, she is the coolest on the show.
Numbuh Four was once a kangaroo, but turned into a boy by Dumbledore.
Numbuh Five is the obligatory black character, portrayed as a cross between Indiana Jones and Bill Cosby. By trying to combine two completely different concepts, her personality is similar to bi-polarism, and she is clearly on the verge of a mental breakdown. She tries to be cool but fails.
- Sector S: Incredibly Racist Scottish Stereotypes. Whenever a crisis occurs, they shag sheep, dress up as ladies and play the most horrible musical instruments known to mankind. Also replaced the Sector S in Singapore.
- Sector A: Typical fat little Americans, there HQ being a McDonald's, and whenever under threat Ronald is there with a McChicken McLauncher.
- Sector E: Incredibly Racist English Stereotypes. Whenever a crisis occurs, they drink tea, worship their stupid queen, and patrol the streets with chavs at night.
- Sector HH: they shaved Sector V's heads to persuade Baldies unite. An adult group with Harry Hill, and Al Murray to surrender to them.
- Sector H: Incredibly Racist Hawaiian Stereotypes. Whenever a crisis occurs, they throw a big party.
- Sector D: Incredibly Racist Danish Stereotypes. Whenever a crisis occurs, they reset the timer a thousand years and raid the adults camps.
- Sector J: Incredibly Racist Jamaican Stereotypes. Whenever a crisis occurs, they smoke a spliff and take a nap.
- Sector F: Incredibly Fat Stereotypes. Whenever a crisis occurs, they just eat.
- Sector XXX: The one episode they appeared in was banned after its first airing because it was deemed to be child pornography by the courts.
- Sector KKK: A white supremacist sector of the KND. All members were decommissioned for trying to lynch Numbuh 5.
- Teenagers: Portrayed as loyal servants to adult authority.Yes, thats right. I repeat: they are portrayed as loyal servants to adult authority.WHAT THE FUCK?!!?!!!11!1 What cave have the creators lived in?! Teenagers are more likely to rebel against adults as their younger counterparts.
- Numbuh 9000!: One of Vegeta's many illegitimate sons who was conceived in Dragon Ball Z hentai, probably Bulma's. He scans the power level off all the adults, but unfortunately they aren't all over 9000!
- Numbuh 6: A cross between the prisoner Numbuh 6 and the Cyclon One.
- Numbah 7: Recurring character who brings good luck to the team. Every episode he appears in, all the adults get PWN3D.
- Numbuh 8: considered by the Chinese to be lucky. once teamed up with Numbah 7. Not even god himself can stop them...
- Numbuh 13: Faggot who brings bad luck to the team. Every episode he appears in, it's certain doom for the KND.
- Numbuh 34: Enforced the rule that all of KND must have porn of it. NO EXCEPTIONS!
- Numbuh 69: Sex addict who was genetically engineered to start puberty as a baby as a failed plot to end the threat of kids by turning them into adults at birth. Once melted the adults fortress and battle fleet by ejaculating white hot semen on to it. Currently has HIV after being infected by adults.
- Numbah 1337: The most elite kid ever, hence his name. Apparently, he is addicted to Pokemon. He is also frequently captured by his rivals, Sector Z.
- Numbuh 300: King Leonidas's son one of the most powerful kids next door member once sent an army of the 299 kids before him and destroyed the adults when they allied with Persians.
- Numbuh 666: Son of the prince of darkness, Satan: uses the power of Metal to fight his enemies. He betrays the KND to form an army of demon spawn and bring about 1,000 days of nights.
- Numbuh 911 (999 in British version, 000 in Australian version): Has police skills, helps out in a fire, and is a qualified doctor (for kids standards).
- Numbah 007: Wait! He's not a kid! He is in MI6!
Villains (aka NORMAL PEOPLE)
- A Dentist Guy Who Dresses Up Like Some Kind of Batman Rip-Off and Cleans Kids' Teeth For Free. In other words, a true American hero.
- One Kid's Mom Who Won't Buy Her Son A Playstation 3 For His Birthday Since Her Husband Just Left Her And She's Been Forced To Sell Her Body For Money
- An Elderly Woman Who Grounds Her Child For A Week After Replacing Her Insulin With Apple Juice, Causing Her To Go Blind And Break Out In Extremely Painful Genital Warts.
- A Hobo Who Wastes Toilet Paper By Wrapping Himself In It For Warmth Even Though Toilet Paper's Sole Purpose Is TPing The Houses Of These Other Villains
- A Tie That Takes Control Of Kids' Brains And Forces Them To Wear Clothes To School.
- A Kindly Old Man That Likes To Give Candy To Children But Is An Adult.
- That Guy From The Bike Shop.
- Numbuh 666. The team's traitor. Satan's son. Allowed his father to invade the kidsnextdooriverse.
Among all the one-shot rouges that appear in this show, the one constant is the presence of a group of people that are mindless slaves of authority, who follow the every whim of their adult masters. I am talking of course, about teenagers. Wait. What the f***?! WHAT THE F***??!!! IS THIS SOME KIND OF F***ING JOKE!!??!!? This makes no sense. Nobody could be so stupid to suggest that the very symbol of rebellion is actually the greatest defenders of authority!!! Wait a minute, of course!! It's all a huge satire piece, set to prove that kids will gobble up any stupid shit that's fed to them!! It's brilliant! Screw South Park, this is television satire at it's finest!
Battle with God
Because the KND's members rebelled against their parents, a clear violation of the fifth Commandment, God declared war on the KND. This led the KND to greenlight Operation D.E.I.C.I.D.E. (Deity Ensures Incineration Concerning Infidels Disobeying Elders). But God proved to be too strong. Many operatives were burned on stakes and raped by angels. So, in a last ditch effort to save the organization, Sector V teamed up with Glen Benton and his band, Deicide (who the operation was named after) and ascended to heaven to confront God face to face. After seeing what the angels had done to the other KND operatives, and being threatened with the same fate, Deicide ran away crying to their mommies. But hope was not lost; they had left their instruments behind. So Numbuhs 1-5 picked up those instruments and performed Deicide's hit song "Fuck Your God." The song was so demonic and terrying (1,000,000,000,000 times more so than Deicide's version) that God moaned in agony, and fell over, dead. Sector V then cast God into the fiery bowels of hell, where his flesh burned in agony forever and ever.
“God is dead!”
“I told you so!”
“A bunch of 10-year-olds could kill God, but we couldn't? I'm going to cut myself and be depressed for the rest of my life.”
- Michael Jackson loves this show.
- Numbuh 4 is the father of Kanga's son, Roo.
- Catholic priests also love this show.
- Amongst the many adults that the KND have beaten include Saddam Hussein, Billy Mays, Randy Orton, Barbra Streisand, your mom, and your dad.
- The only adults that have ever beaten the KND are Adolf Hitler, George Dubya Bush, Chuck Norris, Clint Eastwood and Osama bin Laden.
- There was once a KND Sector N (Incredibly Racist Norwegian Stereotypes), consisting of Euronymous, Varg Vikernes, Fenriz, and Gaahl. After it was discovered that they were actually a team of spies hired by Numbuh 666, the entire sector was decommissioned.
- Numbuh 362, the KND Supreme Leader, is related to Seth MacFarlane.
- Numbuh 3 was once gang raped by Ed, Edd, and Eddy, but got back at them by crushing them with her Gundam.
- It's been speculated that Sector V is really GWAR in human form. Which would mean they are the ones who sang, wrote and performed the in-credi-fucking long 20-minute song in that one episode.
- There is a Galactic KND somewhere in outer space. The moon. Their arch-enemies are The Mooninites.
- Numbuh 5 is a Juggalo and a Maggot.
- Some KND operatives are rumored to be allied with The Axis of Evil-Doers.
- Numbuh 1 and Oscar Wilde have an abnormally close relationship. I wonder what they do when no one is watching. . .
- Numbuh 2 is a devout Pastafarian and Spinachiarian.
- Numbuh 5's parents' faces are so fucking ugly no one dares to look at any of them.