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The Colonists are an American political party that seeks to institute Colonocracy, also known as "rule by the regular". Within this proposed system, only those whose bowel movements are deemed regular are fit to rule.

Not to be confused with Colonialists.

The Colonist movement was started by Irvine Petrov Freeley in 1972 during his second year as a student at Brown University. The Brown Manifesto was written in response to new studies which had shown the corrupt leaders mostly suffered from bowel problems as much as they did from verbal diarrhea.

The party manifesto included the "backdoor" policies, which required secret testing of all politicians for irregular bowel activities.

Although he later become a communist sympathizer, the legacy of his "backdoor" policies still remains with the party to this day.

Famous Members of the Colonist Party[edit]

See Also[edit]

  • Colonoscopy, the method of detecting Colonists.
  • Craps, official dice game of the Colonist party.