Commie Idol

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“If ze contestant does not impress me I rape him and pet him. If ze does impress me I shoot him; fucking wimp knows how to fucking dance! Arrgh fuck!”

~ Joseph Stalin on the amount of contestants who put dancing over assassination and fascism.

Commie Idol sometimes called the World War III was a television talent show aired during 1922 and 1953. It was killed off due to Stalin's death, although claims say this was due to Stalin resigning as judge. Commie Idol is shown on USSRBC 1 and is judged by Joseph Stalin, Georgy Malenko and Jintao Hu.


Commie Idol was created by Stalin as he was looking for a prime dickhead to help him shoot people who did not clap for him. The show started in 1922 when televisions first showed in colour[Citation not needed at all; thank you very much]. Traditionally, the winner is shot by Saddam Hussein and his cronies.

Commie Idol was claimed to the television version of the Russian Revolution. Many political figures had brought this case to the court, as Stalin did not recognise this.


Stalin announced the end of Commie Idol after his death. Many dicks were displeased despite the lack of television.


Contestants are chosen in televised auditions. Each auditioner must sing in front of the judges and the audience. When a someone stops clapping they must successfully shag-and-shoot that person in under 5 seconds. Around 60 contestants are chosen to go into the live rounds. Each contestand is chosen to dance in front of Stalin. Whenever the dance does not impress Stalin, Stalin eats cake. Whenever the dance impresses Stalin, the person gets shot for being a yeller-belly and not being able to fight properly. This round narrows the contestants down to 5 people who are ordered to talk about Americans for an hour. After the contestant finishes, traditionally people clap. As before, the first person to stop clapping gets shot although in the semi-finals it is about precision, meaning, style and pure racism.

The finals are between two people. Each person recruits an army and they fight. Winners are judged on how they refuse to fight and how gay they're armies are. The winner gets 10,000,000 roubles.


Usually when anyone wins and was not Stalin, they were shipped over to Baghdad to be raped and shot in front of Saddam Hussein.