Commodore Maddox (computer)

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The Commodore Maddox was the first computer Commodore ever built. It was like the Amiga but it was totally awesome, unlike the Amiga, which was only about 93% awesome. Being a bunch of shitheads, after realizing the awesomeness of the Commodore Maddox (with its dual screens and magic-wand type controller) they quickly scrapped the project before the second unit could be produced. Reportedly, the workers in the production line were brutally murdered by Steven Seagal, Commodore CEO. Decided to make a computer that would totally suck, the company moved on to develop the Amiga. Incompetents as they are, they failed to make a sucky product, building instead a very nice machine. Their marketing department fixed this by promoting it as an overpriced video game, ensuring that the computer would not make a long-lasting impact in the computer world.

The Commodore Maddox went to history as the first computer that could smell. But even though it could, it never did. Another innovative feature was a YTREWQ keyboard option for left-handed people.

The Commodore Maddox ran on beef jerky, and loved lesbians, and considered itself a pirate. While it only had 16 colors, and 4 sound channels, it could kick the butt of any other computer made at the time. It was known for being tough, and could take a lot of abuse, it could last decades while the other crap computers only lasted for a few years. It had a limited BASIC language, but using the Commodore Maddox Smart BASIC cartridge gave it something like Visual BASIC, which kicked the butt of any other BASIC language at the time.


Since nobody wanted to acutally buy software for the Commodore Maddox, as its main market was the pirate market, piracy ran rampant for the Commodore Maddox software. The Commodore Maddox used an eight inch floppy disk that held 170 kilobytes of storage, and worked at 110 baud. Yet the pirates were smart and installed their own interface to the printer port to host a CD-R jukebox that could hold 700 megabytes of pirated ROM files in one CD-R, in four CD trays that rotated in and out, and worked at 100 megabits per second. Oddly enough, Commodore Maddox software was small, and four CD-Rs held every software title ever made for the Commodore Maddox.

The Death of the Commodore Maddox Computer[edit]

After losing the war to pirates, Commodore Computers discontinued the Commodore Maddox, but the pirates had created emulators to run Commodore Maddox software on every known operating system in existance. Commodore Jack Tremiel got so upset, that he left Commodore and bought out Atari, and helped run it into the ground.

The Rebirth of the Commodore Maddox Computer[edit]

Commodore Computers was bought out over a hundred times by corporate underwriters. Finally a Dutch company bought it out and now wants to market the Commodore Maddox computer in 2006 as a Retrocomputer. Ignoring the fact that pirates now run emulators of Commodore Maddox Computers. The new marketing phrase of the Retro Commodore Maddox computer is that "It may be slow, but it sucks less than Windows based systems at half its price." Reports are coming in that, yes, Hell has frozen over and that signs that the Commodore Maddox computer will be back on the market, signifying the beginning of the end of the world, or at least the Internet.