Completeness Theorem

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The Completeness Theorem is one of the most important mathematical discoveries of the 20th Century.

[citation needed]

Disputes about authorship[edit]

The Completeness Theorem was arrived at similtaneously and independently by four different mathematicians — Kürt Gödël, Kurt Gödel, Kurt Godel, and Curt Godel — and a certain Mr. Kurt Goedel, no mathematician but rather a microcephalic Dutch priest and war criminal with a bad coke habit and a nasty prediliction for baby animal porn. As might be imagined, this coincidence of both results and names resulted in much squabbling and confusion, culminating in the Franco-Prussian War.

For the purposes of this article, to avoid choosing between the various claimnants, their estates, and their highly litigous attorneys, we will use the computer-generated nonsense string "Eminem" as our reference to the (undetermined) creator of the work.

Completeness theorem[edit]

The Completeness Theorum remains Eminem's most well known — and most controversial — work. In this theorem, Eminem postulated that the English numbering system was "complete" (that is, did not need any more numbers added to it), that the largest possible number had already been calculated, and that this number is 3,257,161. Eminem's proof was a simple but elegant formula:

Notice: this section contains math.
If anyone is watching you, we suggest that you stare at it for a bit, stroke your chin, and murmer "hmmmmm", "interesting", and "quite elegant!" before moving on, so that you at least won't look like a complete moron.

Godel/Einstein debate[edit]

Einstein, upon reading the Completeness Theorem, was moved to oppose it, making his famous observation that "God does not play Parcheesi with the universe".

Einstein, an educated and urbane European who adored a minuet, the Ballet Russe, and crepes suzette, may also have felt that Eminem — an illiterate cowhand whose main interests outside of mathematics were spitting, masturbating, yodeling, and strangling animals — was an interloper in the refined wold of advanced mathematics.

The two held a famous debate at the Princeton Institute for Advanced Thinkology. (The debate was to have been held at Yale, but that campus was completely overrun by roving troops of vicious and insane monkeys at the time, although it took Yale administrators several months to distinguish this from the normal state of affairs.)

Only an incomplete and poor-quality recording of this famous debate remains extant. The debate was complicated by the fact that Einstein spoke only English and German, while Eminem spoke only a language of his own invention that no one else can understand.

Transcript of debate tape[edit]

[--TAPE BEGINS---]
[CROWD NOISE]
EMINEM:...and thusly, ipso facto quid pro quo.
EINSTEIN: Yes, but I can add just one, and I get 3,257,162. That is a higher number.
EMINEM: Yes, but I just take it away again. We are back to 3,257,161. That is again the highest number.
EINSTEIN: But then I just add it back again.
EMINEM: And I just take it away again.
EINSTEIN: Well, suppose I...[CROWD NOISE]]...gazillion to [it].
EMINEM: That is not a number. Gazillion is not...
[CROSSTALK]
EINSTEIN: I say it is...
EMINEM: ...a number! I...
[CROWD NOISE]
EMINEM: [what]ever you do I can... I...
[CROSSTALK]
EINSTEIN: No, you can't...
[CROWD NOISE]
[CROSSTALK]
[CROWD NOISE]
MODERATOR: People! Can we...
[CROSSTALK]
[SOUND OF EXPLOSION]
EMINEM: What was...[CROWD NOISE]
[CROSSTALK]
MODERATOR:Oh my...[CROWD NOISE
EINSTEIN: Jes[us]...[CROWD NOISE]
[CROSSTALK]
UNKNOWN VOICE: GET DOWN! GET...[CROWD NOISE]
[SOUNDS OF MACHINE GUN FIRE, SCREAMS, EXCITED VOICES]
EMINEM: HAYLEY! STAY COOL! I'M COMING! I...
[MORE EXPLOSIONS]
[SOUND OF WATER RUSHING INTO 20-METER GASH IN HULL]
[CROWD NOISE, SHOUTING]
UNKNOWN VOICE: SOMEBODY SET UP US THE BOMB!
[CROWD NOISE]
[ANTI-TANK FIRE]
[SOUND OF ZEPPELINS COLLIDING]
[---TAPE ENDS---]