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Comrade (Russian: Товарищ [Tovarish]) is a grammatical concept in Russia to identify when the subject or object of a statement is a person rather than an actual object. It is used to prevent confusion or capitalist thoughts while speaking.

A proper in-sentence implementation of the word.


Comrade is always used to identify a person, even if it means using the word multiple times in a sentence. Example: Hello, comrade, how are you doing, comrade?

It is used standalone as an indicator under all circumstances except for when the person being referred to has some other sort of Party-approved title. In this case comrade is added as a prefix to the title, indicating that the title is being used to refer to a person rather than the post itself. Example: The Comrade Junior Cieling Fan Inspection Engineer is incompetent and foolish.

It is also grammatically accepted to just insert the word randomly into a sentence, as studies have shown that the use of the word produces Party-aligned goodthink in the average prole's mind. Example: Does the monkey understand that throwing comrade fecal matter is not good for its health?


Comrade is always used, though there are a few misconceptions for when it should be used due to the definition of person varying from person to person, as most every person has a personal view on what constitutes a person.

A few entities the State does not regard as people but are commonly mistaken for such are listed below for convenience.

As well, the word comrade may optionally be replaced by cosmonaut if the speaker outranks the speak-ee. The most famous occurrence of this was by Comrade Premier Romanov in Yuri's Revenge, which set a precedent for replacing the word that survives even today.

Western use of the word[edit]

Many capitalists use the word comrade in a mocking or satyrical fashion, and some pinkos use the word to refer to each other. This is considered by true communists to be almost as bad a crime as being born capitalist, and in Soviet Russia it is punished by immediate deportation to the Gulags in northern Siberia.

Comrades on a plane[edit]

Much like snakes, comrades take on an entirely new significance when they are on a plane. Exactly why, no one knows. This phenomenon has popularly and possibly accurately been blamed on the Mexican Staring Frog since Brezhnev's death.