Condoleezza Rice Cooker

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A Condoleezza Rice cooker is an electrical appliance used to prepare brown rice.

Basic Operation[edit]

To use a Condoleezza Rice cooker, you put in 1 cup of rice, 2 cups of water, plug it in, and press the button. The appliance will make a "ding" when the rice is ready. It's also possible, if you're so inclined, to make quinoa in it.

This product started out in the military and has since been exempt from any UL rating. As with all electrical appliances, do not use in or near a bathtub.

A Condoleezza Rice cooker.


This device was first developed in Iraq, and was intended as a weapon of mass destruction. Originally designed to make weapons-grade uranium from grain, it was a technical failure. However, it was soon discovered that the device was a convenient way to prepare rice, without having to toil over a pot of hot boiling water and a stove. The lid on the Condoleezza Rice Cooker serves an additional function; it keeps your camel from eating the rice as it's being prepared.

The name comes from its inventor, Uncle Ben, who named it after his favorite niece.


Unfortunately, most of the inventory of Condoleezza Rice cookers were destroyed during the second Iraq War. From time to time, remaining inventory appears on eBay. They command high prices, as they are in demand from crazy anti-American terrorists like Cindy Sheehan who believe that eating rice is, somehow "good for you."

It has also been proven that certain versions of the rice cooker are effective anti-George Bush devices because they are small and electrical.