Conservatism
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| ATTENTION
In contrast to popular opinion, Conservatism, and not popular faiths, is its own religion.....and im full of shit tooo, Believers can switch on to the official, 24/7, Conservative Network Fox Newsor watch the others who are full om liberals?. Recently scientists discovered the purported "fair and balanced" nature of its flagship show, "The Factor", was responsible for the earths 24 degree tilt.wow thats really cooky i must of ate too much acid in high scool? However popular faith is a useful tool for conservatives in controlling the uneducated masses and going on "crusades" as well as when coaching Sarah Palin, which without resorting to explanations (with the aid of sock puppets) such as "God did it" and "Magic" would be a completely futile task. Conservatives follow the Holy Bible: Revised Neocon Edition for their religion. |
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Contents
Other conservatives[edit]
Neoconservatives[edit]
Their name is derived from the Greek "neos" (meaning new) and the Latin "conservare" (to keep, preserve or stay the same)
How to Look like an American Conservative[edit]
Wear a cowboy hat and a nice polo shirt with your gut hanging out. Be sure to tote golf clubs when not at work, unless you're at a "business meeting" on the golf course. To blend in, mention that you have an eBay account. Plus, to be convincing, you must keep the following articles around your house:
- Bible that should be taken as seriously as death and interpreted literally according to your pastor's best judgment
- Propaganda poster of Sarah Palin and Ronald Reagan
- Big screen TV tuned to Fox News non stop
- A shotgun underneath the bed
- American flags all over the place
- Crackly transistor radio tuned to some AM station with Rush Limbaugh on full blast
- Tea party anti-Obama protest signs
- Obama target game
- Bumper stickers on back of nice big red chevy pickup truck with 5 miles to the gallon going 4 wheel drive like a American will drive
- Dallas cowboys cheerleader posters along with a poster of Jesus and Sarah Palin
- Last supper painting in the dining room
- Dogs playing poker painting
- A white picket fence
- A huge stereo playing Toby Keith and Ted Nugent full blast
Roman conservatives[edit]
The neoconservative movement was established in Roman times. The movement then, as now, was preoccupied with taking over the world. The head of the movement was Emperor Nero and hence they were referred as Nero-conservatives as opposed to neoconservatives. This is actually where the term neoconservative comes from. The same careless editor who mistook the Hebrew word for “young women” for the Greek word for “virgin” was the editor that wrote the part of the Bible in which the Nero-conservatives were mentioned.
British conservatives[edit]
Conservatives in the UK are pretty boring; with the possible exception of Stephen Milligan who asphyxi-wanked himself to death just before a UK bi-election.
Conservative Cookie Treat[edit]
This list explains how to make this delicious recipe, most liberals tend to be allergic to it.
Ingredients
- 1) Fascist free speech fudge with bits of tax cut walnuts for the wealthy emperors.
- 2) Christian value Communion Wafers dunked in mulberry Misogyny jam.
- 3) White Chocolate Supremacist syrup produced in El Paso, Texas.
- 4) Financial debt stone-ground corn flour from Mississippi Slave Workers.
- 5) 4 Alt-Right eggs from Doomsday tree homes in the South.
- 6) Gay bashing, Homophobic gummy bear editors from Communist News Network.
- 7) Tree-chopping dominant Cisgender, White, Heterosexual Male lumberjack Twinkies*.
- 8) Nuclear Heterosexual 'Traditional Family' raisins with over 19 Kids and Counting.
- 9) Anti-Progression, Lead laced lemon slices harvested near a rural Chinese Walmart supplier factory.
- 10)Ethic Cleansing ginger roots from Mobile, Alabama..
- 11)Polluted Holy Water from the Yangtze River (works against pro-immigrant dicks, pro-lgbtq+ kikes, and of course, atheists).
- 12) Finely minced smuggled AR 15S from the NRA who donates millions of dollars to our gub'ment every year.
and 13) a hint of "STFU" to liberal whiners protesting against the JP version of Communist News Network in Sapporo, Japan..
- (what happens to the ladies? the female twinkies stay home for the rest of their lives, caring for their kids, cooking grits and cake, sewing potholders, and doing chores as communism forbids women working outside the home.)
Later, do whatever you want to cook it up, Iraqi stolen petroleum, Indian peasant lentils, and Chinese man-made fresh eggs also work well to give it a kick.
