Corey Taylor

From Uncyclopedia, the content-free encyclopedia.
Jump to: navigation, search

“Is he related to Taylor Swift?

~ Tamia

Corey Taylor is the screaming clown of Slipknot.

Slipknot frontman Corey Taylor preparing for a performance at Wells Fargo Arena in his hometown of Del Monte, Iowa
Corey Taylor, illegitimate son of Lita Ford and former Liberian dictator Charles Taylor, was born in Des Moines, Iowa (also known as Del Monte), on Valentine's Day, 1972. In 1997, just as the grunge rock era was drawing to a close, Taylor, an avid Goo Goo Dolls fan, was discovered working at the Adult Emporium on the South Side of Des Moines by a Road Runner Records talent scout. Two rubber dildo purchases later, Taylor had been signed on as the new lead singer of Slipknot, an up-and-coming polka band known for wearing scary clown masks.
Taylor's original band, Stone Sour, dissolved upon Taylor's rise to stardom, but they experienced a resurgence when they were asked to perform a track on the soundtrack for Finding Nemo in 2003. Stone Sour's polka/Euro-pop grooves served as an upbeat backdrop for the scene in which Nemo and his father, Marlin, were reunited.

Fun Facts[edit]

  • After scoring below the 10th percentile on the Iowa Test of Educational Development in the 10th grade, Taylor vowed to prove his worth to his former educators, who expected him to spend the rest of his life as a busboy at I.H.O.P. Taylor's dream of making something of himself later came to fruition when in December of 2003, he and his bandmate, Sean Crahan, invented cheese.
  • Beneath his grotesque Slipknot mask, Taylor has had his face reconstructed in the form of Goo Goo Dolls' frontman Johnny Rzeznik.
  • Taylor does not believe in Scientology, but he once had a wet dream about John Travolta and Tom Cruise in a Russian sauna. Taylor's actual religious affiliation seems to be a rare religious cult with practices involving Haitian voodoo, Mayan human sacrifice, and Presbyterianism. Certain renegade off-shoots of this cult also possess a fanatical devotion to Oprah.
  • Corey once frightened 1801 grannys to death, with his unbelievably gay and scary mask.
  • Taylor once ate a small child during a gig and tried to pay the child's parents compensation in chocolate coins, saying,"It's not my fault, I have abandonment issues. I WANT MY DADDY BACK!" As the tears welled in the singer's eyes, the mother realized that only an ignorant white-trash slut would bring her toddler to a Slipknot concert. Consequently, she forgave Taylor, took some parenting classes, and divorced Kevin Federline.
  • Taylor became redundant when the demand for proper music came in. Taylor has since formed a window cleaning company with his bitch wesley snipes with the slogan 'you'll be looking at me through the glass...for only $20'