The Corgi (or Cuntybaws in natural habitat) is a special breed of animal resembling a dog. These adorable fat sons of bitches are often used best as ottomans, feetwarmers, and modes of transportation. This has been proven over the course of years.
A Corgi weighs between 25 - 30 pounds (10-12 kg.) and is about 3 - 4 inches tall. Corgis were bred to herd cows by nipping at their heels; over time corgis' legs have receded into their bodies, and today all that remains are the feet. Scientists predict that in the future corgis will evolve into a species of furry snails.
The Corgi's temperament is one of fear. The only thing that Corgi's love to do is kill. They achieve this by spraying acid and or fire. So far there is no defense against a Corgi. They (Corgis) do not leave remains from their victims.
Some famous historical atrocities caused by Corgis.
- Pol Pot
- E Timor
- The Holocaust
- The slave trade
- The election of George W Bush
- Sarah Palin
- The Black Death
If you see a Corgi make your peace for death is neigh.
Though often disputed, the exact history of the Corgi deals with the caves and fairies of the country of the Netherlands. The Corgis were originally magically produced by the fairies of the Netherlands in an attempt to combat the souless cats that wandered the streets and feasted upon the weaker fairies. The cats were a product of the kitten huffing movement, which swept across Europe in the late 1200's. The Corgi was successful as a cat-killer, and was used in the fight against kitten huffing.
The Corgi claims illegitimate ancestry from the Swedish Vallhund. The Vikings who invaded Wales in the 900's likely dropped off the most annoying members of that breed when the wife wasn't watching, and then rowed away quickly. Adam of Bremen recounts this fable in "Tale of the Corgi."
- Hej Sven? Er det alt avskyvärd litten hund irriterer du? Hey Sven! Is that annoying little son-of-a-bitch pissing you off, too?
- Jag er klar till kasta honom bort båten! I'm ready to throw him off the goddamn boat!
- Plaska! Splash!
- Rad hurtigare, han er smittande upp! Row faster, row faster! The little bastard is catching up!
The Corgi, through the help of the anti-kitten huffing reformers, was brough to Wales in order to battle the epidemic. It was there in Wales that Tony Blair saw the animal and decided to introduce it to the English royals.
Nowadays, the royal corgis are employed at Scoob's castle to keep the castle in top shape and to defend for Runescape. They work long hours for less than the minimum wage.
1. William Arnes Henao(Baton Rouge, LA) 2. Scooby Bryant ( Verona, VA)
other ass whiping techniques!
Besides being used as ottoman, feet warmers, or modes of transportation, corgis may also be used for other purposes, such as:
- dance partners
- croquet balls
- decorative rugs
- main course in a five part dinner (don't forget the apple!)
- playing a minor comic relief role in an anime
- using as ammo in lieu of harpoons
- rounding up Her Royal Highness the Princess Camilla when she gets out of pasture, tramples the shrubbery and shits in the dahlias.
- evolving it to its more powerful form, Tankorgi, complete with Hyper Beam and Frito's dispenser
- digging up Princess Di for new Scotland Yard inquiry
- combat with other small yappy dogs (in this role, the Corgi should charge in and try to run over the opposing yapping mutt)
- advising the Queen on who to appoint as Governor General of Canada
"You trot in here, with those herman munster shoes on your paws, thinking you can talk to lu-jake any kind of way" Gorilla Jake on Kate Middleton