Cosmetic surgery

From Uncyclopedia, the content-free encyclopedia.
Jump to: navigation, search
Before and after a typical cosmetic surgery procedure.


Cosmetic surgery (See: chicken evisceration) is a form of voodoo surgery contributing to the end of insecurity through implanting various chemicals (namely chicken bones, but at times dolomite and silicone ) directly into the mouth, face, index finger, left leg, right cerebral cortex, or other area of the body that requires dark magic or a contract with the devil to improve. This is considered a form of medicine, however, instead of being a boon to mankind in any manner (unless one takes into consideration its effects on increased breeding through bacchanalian orgies in conjunction with alcohol consumption, ecstasy pills, cocaine (God's Candy), hallucinogenic chicken meat, Aunt Jemima's syrup, and the curious lack of contraception(lambskin bubble wrap)) this particular form of voodoo is used to taunt the rest of the masses by showing that rich people can buy what others will never have.

Invention[edit]

Cosmetic surgery was invented by accident by a Dr. Milton Thomas Edgerton, a (now former) professional torturer while carving out a line for the game "Connect the Stab Wounds" on one of his clients, a favored Chinese pastime. Late in Dr. Edgerton's career as a torture artist, his work was discovered by an emerging Michael Jackson, which officially started Cosmetic Surgery as we know it today, subsequently serving as an example of What Not To Do for all medical students in residency today.

The many Actual great uses for Cosmetic Surgery[edit]

There was one point in time when a aspiring actress and singer decided that the world along with her family hated her. Not because she was beautiful in every way but because she failed to actually grow breasts when she was a teenager. Thought the failures of cosmetic surgery outweighed the actual successes she decided to see If there was any way for a surgeon to improve the size of her chest. The operation was a major success and there began a new age of human modification. The actress quickly realized that Cosmetic surgery was a as she quoted, "amazing tool." For the world and vowed that she would do all that she can to fix all of small breasted women of the world. Not realizing that she was actually opting for more surgery then necessary it quickly got out of control. Though there was a considerable improvement to the size of her breasts, Miss Dolly Parton hid away from the world after her 89th surgery...

In 1968 when the Porn industry began to boom thanks to the god of seduction, his Holiness, Hugh Hefner. Cosmetic surgery was used for those that had the money for its healing power to change those from ugly to decent. Seeing a flaw in the worlds logic of the use of cosmetic Surgery and after hearing of the many successes of Miss dolly Parton. He decided that he would start a fund raiser that he called Playboy. To help all the women in need of any improvement to their body. Taking advantage of the wealth that he had accumulated soon every woman that had a dream of featuring in her own film with as many men as she wanted was granted unlimited surgeries. From a simple butt cheek raise for a better camera angle to the more complicated breast surgery. Women and men across the world began to notice a considerable improvement in the types of actors seen in porn.