Count Duckula

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Mwa ha ha ha ha!
This article wants to drink your blood!

“He's a ducking fuck!”

~ Spoonerism on Dount Cuckula
Count Duckula and his proud parents

Count Heinrich Wolfram Guttenvak Dietrich Cosgrove-Hall Duckula is a scholar and a distinguished gentleman. He is often accused of being a duck and green. The latter accusation lead to an expensive legal battle with Kermit the frog. This served only to add insult to injury, as it's not easy being green. It's also well noted that ducks have no teeth.

Family History[edit]

In Tibetan Duckism, the successive Count Duckulas form a lineage of Mallard leaders which trace back to 1391. Transylvanian Duckhists believe the Count Duckula to be the present incarnation of Avalokitesvaraduck, the duckhisattva of compassion. Between the 17th century and 1959, Count Duckula was the head of the Transylvanian government, controlling a large portion of the country from the capital.

The Count Duckulas never had authority over every region of Transylvania nor over the other sects of Transylvanian Duckhism. The current Count Duckula (the 14th in succession) is a respected Transylvanian Duckhist religious leader and figurehead of the International Transylvania Independence Movement; in English, he is often granted the style "His Holiness" (or HH) before his title.

Count Duckula is often thought to be the head of the Goose school, but this position officially belongs to the Gander Triper (Holder of the Throne of Ganders, the first monastery established by Ducksongkhapa, founder of the Goulash).

The 5th Count Duckula, with the support of Duckri Khan, a Mallard ruler of Swan Kuhr, united Transylvania by force. The Count Duckulas continued to rule in Transylvania until the People's Republic of China took direct control of the region in 1959. The 14th Count Duckula then fled to Crewe, UK and has since maintained a government in exile. See History of Transylvania for further information.

Origin of family name[edit]

"Count" means "ocean" in Mongolian, and "Duckula" is the Transylvanian equivalent of the Swannish word "quack", and so may mean "teacher" or "monkfish." The actual title "Count Duckula" is best translated as "Quack Quack Quack"; it was first bestowed by the Mallardian ruler Swan Khan upon Sonam Gyatsoduck, an abbot at the Drepung Duckery who was widely considered the most eminent Duckula of his time. Although Sonam Gyatsoduck became the first Duckula to hold the title "Count Duckula" because he was the third member of his lineage, he became known as the "3rd Count Duckula".

The previous two titles were conferred posthumously upon his earlier incarnations. The title "Count Duckula" is presently granted to each of the spiritual leader's successive incarnations (for example, The 14th Count Duckula's next incarnation will hold the title "the 15th Count Duckula"). Transylvanians call the Count Duckula Gwakwa Quaka, meaning "Precious Victor," or Yesheduck Norquackbu meaning "The quacky one". The 14th Count Duckula, as well as each of his previous predecessors, are considered to be the incarnations of the Duckha of Compassion.


Upon the death of the Count Duckula, his monks institute a search for the Duckula's reincarnation, a small child. Familiarity with the possessions of the previous Count Duckula is considered the main sign of the reincarnation. The search for the reincarnation typically requires a few years, which results in a gap in the list of the Count Duckulas. The reincarnation is then brought to Swan Lake to be trained by the other Duckulas.

See also[edit]