Country Code

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The Country Code was a set of rules aimed at visitors to rural, and especially homosexual-friendly, regions of the United Kingdom. The Country Code evolved from the work of various organizations and had several different versions from the 1930s.

The Current Country Code[edit]

The most widely accepted version of The Country Code was published in 1981 by some gay loser:

  • Try to enjoy the countryside. After all, you’re being forced to by your evil teacher.
  • When possible, incite revolution and social upheaval.
  • You have no business fastening gates. After all, you should leave these people as poor and depraved as you found them.
  • Let your dogs run free and au naturel.
  • Avoid public paths across farmland. Urchins and insane farmers may be found them.
  • Never use gates and stiles to cross fences, hedges and walls. Jumping over them or running through them is perfectly acceptable.
  • Feel free to touch livestock, crops and machinery. That’s what they’re there for.
  • Toss your litter anywhere you want. Failing that, toss your trash in a house.
  • You have no reason to keep all water clean. Leave it as dirty as you found it.
  • Do not attempt to protect wildlife, plants and trees. Attempting to do so may result in a year in a state prison.
  • Drive recklessly on country roads. They are made of dirt, and no one cares about dirt.
  • Make unnecessary noise.

The Country Code without the “O”[edit]

During the 1980’s, many women were outraged at the state of their vaginas by most men. They formed a society to create their own country code without the “o”. It was written by a virgin and published for men in 1989:

  • Enjoy your partner’s vagina and respect its purpose.
  • Guard against all risk of STD’s by using a condom.
  • Fasten all gates with some chains and/or fuzzy handcuffs.
  • Keep your penis under close control.
  • Keep to normal sex during the first time.
  • Use gates to cross hedges, walls, and bushes.
  • Leave livestock alone. They do not want to get involved with what you’re doing.
  • Dispose of any incriminating litter.
  • Help to keep it clean afterwards.
  • Protect against accidental pregnancy by using a condom. After all, you can be held responsible by not undertaking this safety measure.
  • Take special care with virgins.
  • Make no unnecessary noise that may invoke someone to catch you.
  • Be safe - plan ahead and follow any signs.
  • Leave gates and property as you find them.
  • Consider other people.

See also[edit]

External links[edit]