Crapbot Computers

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A picture of the Crapbot 1 Electronic Digital Analog Computer.

Crapbot Computers is a computer firm developed in 1981 with one purpose in mind: to flood the market with quality computers. Their name was chosen by the Cray-1 supercomputer, which hates them, or so one would guess based on their name.

Breakthroughs[edit]

  1. The CEO of Crapbot Computers, Emmzee, decided it was time to create a new chip. Not made of silicon, corn, or wheat, but of fiber. This high-fiber chip would not only have a processing power of 1.002739 Quadrobits a second, but also, when ingested, could relieve even the most constipated person. Finally, the name could be useful for something!
  2. In 1985, amid a stagnat product line, the famous Super Crapbot chip was introduced. It was made of ultra-dense fiber, which led to an astonishing 4.601294003 Quadrobits/second processing power, and the ability to have even more colonic releiving properties.
  3. In 1990, the Mega Crapbot 2 chip was introduced, with a clock speed of 19.0032854 Quadrobits/second, and a new minty taste.
  4. In 1998, the Crapbot 7 was introduced, with new hairball-removing qualities, and a clockspeed of 25.09936401 Quadrobits/second.

Computer Line[edit]

  • 1981: Crapbot 1 (full name: Crapbot 1 Electronic Digital Analog Computer)
  • 1983: Crapbot 2 Beta
  • 1984: Crapbot 2 Full Version
  • 1985: Super Crapbot
  • 1986: Super Crapbot Xtra
  • 1988: Super-duper Crapbot
  • 1989: Mega Crapbot
  • 1990: Mega Crapbot 2
  • 1991: Mega Crapbot 3
  • 1992: Mega Crapbot 3 Xtra and Mega Crapbot 3 XTREEEEM TO THE MAX
  • 1993: Mega Crapbot 4
  • 1995: Crapbot 3
  • 1996: Crapbot 4 and Crapbot 5
  • 1997: Crapbot 6
  • 1998: Crapbot 7
  • 1999: Crapbot 7 Mega-super-duplex Edition
  • 2000: Crapbot: Christian Family Edition

Failure[edit]

In 2000, the last Crapbot computer, the Crapbot: Christian Family Edition was launched, meeting with bad press due to its slow clockspeed of 18.004826 Quadrobits/second and its lack of laxative properties. This led to the CEO, Emmzee, to commit suicide by eating a tub full of beans. His ghost came back and continues to haunt Uncyclopedia to this very day. After Crapbot Computers fell, the largest stock decrease in America since 1972 happened.

Crapbot is Still Alive[edit]

The Crapbot computer line is still popular on the Internet, with eBay prices ranging from $1000 (Crapbot: Christian Family Edition) to $697301.42 (one-time only Crapbot Mega-Super-Duper-Ultra-Extra-Xtra-Xtree Awesome Edition). These computers are a must-have for fickle consumers intimidated by "modern" products. The company still exists, however they only make four-function calculators now. Their subsidary, Shazbot Computers is in the laxative business. They are the famous makers of Colon Blow powder.

See Also[edit]