Crappa Carta

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The Crappa Carta is a document written by the ancient Egyptians sometime in the 12th century, B.C. which established a democratic system for the governance of bowel movements.


In the year 1402, B.C., a lack of plumbing and wastewater management in many Egyptian communities led many citizens, disenfranchised by the government's ignorance of the public health concerns associated with the prolonged exposure to human waste, to form the Democratic Party, which organized several rallies promoting massive public works projects to combat the rampant spread of disease and parasites.

Talks between the Democrats and the Libertarian-controlled Egyptian Congress lasted a staggering 164 years, with several propositions being struck down by both sides as concerns with cost and safety created an escalating tension between the two groups.

At this point, historical documents are unclear as to the particulars of these Special Sessions of Congress, but one thing remains clear - as a result of the talks, a compromise was reached which took the form of a document known as the Crappa Carta, a document outlining, among other things, maximum per-capita fecal outputs--and the penalties associated with exceeding them--and various methods for controlling and scheduling bowel movements.


When the Democrats and Libertarians finally reached a compromise, this very moment is seen by many historical scholars and political scientists as being the basis for the bipartisan lawmaking we enjoy today, taking such forms as the PATRIOT Act.

Interestingly enough, soon after the passing of the Crappa Carta, the Egyptian Army, now healthier and at a relative advantage when compared to other countries without plumbing, quickly took over all of Africa. This is in fact the origin of the word continent, which came to mean a "land-mass made up of several countries" soon after the Egyptians won over the hearts and minds of all members of their newly established kingdom by asserting their superior bowel continence.

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