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Did you mean Answering the door with your pants down whilst sleeping in the nude?

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“The chicks are”

~ John Travolta on Cream.

“I'm the factory, you're the cup.”

~ Sex Maniac with Cream on Cream.

“Its Sour Cream that makes Whipped Cream look bad. Or is it the other way around?”

~ Random Man on The Relevance of Various Creams.

Cream is a mysterious substance which develops in milk when you aren't looking at it. In the old days cream was very prolific and could be found in most milk. In recent years, however, cream in its natural form has become almost extinct. Cream is also bred in sterilised forms by farmers, and some rights organisations argue against this atrocious treatment of a natively occurring substance.


Used in conjunction with porridge, cream is a delicious substitute for all kinds of food, including vitamins, proteins and carbohydrates. Some doctors recommend cream to anorexics to supplement vitamin and fat loss, as it is full of non-threatening, healthy things.

Typical Life-cycle[edit]

Culturally, cream an extremely complex and varied entity. It is commonly home to white stuff, mould, and thicker blobs, and this gives it a rare and fascinating night-life. It is a generally solitary creature, and most commonly reproduces by dripping reproductive material over the edge of the bottle, in the hopes of such material meeting with similarly-minded drippings. This sometimes causes the unfortunate and rather detrimental effect of self-procreation, in which two gametes of the same organism combine. Such freaks, in terms of the cream life-cycle, do not last much longer than infancy, and are usually quickly consumed by their mould spore co-habitants.

Cream, being a relatively unsocial organism, does not benefit from meeting with other members of its species. Generally, meetings result either in the unpleasant process of merging, or separation. In the case of merging, the experience has been likened to being set on fire, getting stuck in a clothes-press, and also sex. However, after a period of instability, most cream can return to normal levels again and continue existence as a new, single entity.

Separation can be easily spotted, and is most likely between two extremely old creams. The two will have likely gone past their sell-by date, and are therefore unable or unwilling to merge. The layers of cream remain in the same abode, but sleep in different beds and refrain from physical contact beyond their hardened outer coat.

New cream is identifiable in this aspect. Very infantile forms are almost indistinguishable from milk, while those at the stage of puberty are highly sensetive to turbulence and can revert to infancy relatively easiy. Mature cream, at the apex of its normal best-before date, is a rich gold in colour and most highly prized by organisms of the human variety.

If allowed to follow its normal life cycle to expiration (which is uncommon in modern day fridges, due to plagues such as sanitation and bins - see detergents and the various forms of plastic bin liner for further details on causes of cream death), cream generally shrivels quickly, and the dormant mould spores on its surfact immediately become activated and consume all remaining living tissue, apart from the skin, which doesn't taste very nice.

Cream can also be known to be very salty. Cream is a contributing factor and is an essential to Raymond's dietry fibre. He Swallows.

Fat Content-2% Sodium Chloride- 60% Cream chloride- 110% H20+cream=>glucose+scottish hairy babies janetta theory

Cream Links[edit]

  • Cream Rights - comprehensive website with information about the different forms of cream percecution and how you can stop them.
  • Farmers United - comprehensive website with information about the different forms of cream growth and how you can stop the Cream Right-ists.
  • Cream (band)
  • Cream the Rabbit

References Host, Milk - Advanced cream psychology Sugar, With - Growing Cream and Other Methods of Encouraging Cream Procreation Freak, A. - Common Cream Self-Procration Disasters Sterilised, Been - Cream Ethics Spore, A. - The Mould Side of the Cream Story Then the cream lord spoke! "Holy shit!!!! Kill all the white men!!"

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