Creation

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For those without comedic tastes, the so-called experts at Wikipedia have an article about Creation.

“Let there be Alicia Keys music, then let there be light”

“Ahh, Creation. The Creation of Life is my favorite pass time ”

~ Oscar Wilde on Children

“You can safely assume you've created God in your own image when it turns out he hates all the same people you do.”

~ Anne Lamott on Creation

In the beginning was the bong and the bong was with God. God was bored so created Heaven and Earth but it was not enough to relieve the Almighty Boredom - so God threw in a handful of stars and contemplated infinity without toys. Perfect symmetry surrounded God - harmony in the universe like an intricately balanced sphere. Thank the Almighty Ego that God was God - it was all too perfect: where was the adventure? However the bong managed to bounce its way into a parallel universe which created a bang which was even bigger than the Bong or even the great Bing put together. This created the great god Ra, whom out of pure coincidence created stars and moons and that crap. However they were cube shaped. God got very angry with Ra because he thought the cube shape was better than the sphere and he also destroyed his own universe by sitting on it. He killed Ra and took over his universe. However due to physics and other stuff which is more powerful than God, the cubes became spheres over time. Ra is now still believed to be stuck in a star which is often referred to as the Sun half alive and half dead.


God has a bad idea! Oh noez!11!111!1oneoneone11[edit]

Hunger dealt with, God went to pass the spliff and found that it just dropped from the Almighty Hand. Had a vital element of a caning session been forgotten? God gave it some thought and - a considerable amount of skunk later - came up with the idea of humans. At least there would be someone else to skin up for a change - as already Rizlas had evolved and God was troubled by a small green packet, filled with none stick papers. This was confusing: God had no recollection of ever creating these and was beginning to feel existence slipping out of control. Self-doubt entered the universe through a previously un-noticed back door. God had the fear.


By the sixth day. God had already become pissed off with humans populating heaven. They were too predictable. God looked into eternity and felt that watching these beings live out their - already glimpsed - lives would cause a permanent brain freeze. Besides, the humans did not help with the spliffs - choosing to spend their time praising the Almighty Phat Cone but too scared to toke from it, let alone make their own! They were all shipped off to earth to amuse themselves there and to stop God feeling bad with their perfection. Meanwhile, God had not found a circle of friends to pass the spliff between. While contemplating what to do to solve the situation, God lit a spliff and the first ever 'Elvis-ed' spliff gave reality a shake - Asymmetry was born at the same time an idea struck God's brain. A small selection of Hippies and caners began to take shape. As they were created, God hummed a happy tune and dwelt upon peaceful thoughts. The Almighty Consciousness lost itself for a moment in its work and somehow became enmeshed with particles rapidly assuming form.


By the time an incredibly strange-looking assortment of asymmetrical beings stood, taking their first tokes on the spliff of knowledge, God realised the mistake: being too stoned had made black holes rip into the fabric of existence - gaps in the Almighty Memory. God looked for the future of the new beings and found it unknown.

Simultaneously, the newly created humans were feeling the first pains of disharmony. With pain-filled eyes they looked to God but God had no answers, only a void for each pair of eyes. Wondering how to ease the first humans' suffering, God held out the Almighty Hand and asked

Cquote1.png Do ya wanna bong? Cquote2.png

The first caning session began. The asymmetrical humans forming a circle, at first for ease of spliff passing but soon realising the symmetry helped ease some of the pain of disharmony. The circle of friends smoked throughout the night and discussed the nature of existence - surprising God with some of their ideas - and how to tidy up the mess left behind after God's binge.

In the morning, the circle disappeared - scattering themselves around the globe. God instructed them to spread the message to the other humans on Earth: "Skin up for yourself and come back to heaven. Oh, and go in peace." As the strange-looking rabble set off on their individual missions, God felt down for the bong - it wasn't there! One of the circle must have mistakenly carried it away to Earth! God had a few seconds to regret this - before forgetting what it was…

On the seventh day, God monged……then she sat up and laughed and laughed and laughed……

This work is the property of Zola Quatermass, and first published on 'A site of Random Mess' [click here [1]] --Sakamon 03:00, 20 March 2009 (UTC)

Controversy[edit]

DO the lalalalala lalalalalala~

Monkeys didn't evolve coz God pressed B to cancel.

What god made[edit]

Each little flower that opens,

Each little bird that sings,

He made their glowing colors,

He made their tiny wings.

(pom, pom, pom)


All things bright and beautiful,

All creatures great and small,

All things nude and awesome:

The Lord God made them all.


The purple headed mountains,

The river running by,

The porn and the sex

That brightens up the sky.

(pom, pom, pom)


All things bright and beautiful,

All creatures great and small,

All things wise and wonderful:

The Lord God made them all.


The cold wind in the winter,

The pleasant summer sun,

The ripe fruits in the garden,

He made them every one.


(pom, porn, pom)

All things bright and beautiful,

All creatures great and small,

All things wise and wonderful:

The Lord God made them all.


The tall trees in the greenwood,

The meadows where we play,

The rushes by the water,

To gather every day.


(pom, pom, pom)

All things bright and beautiful,

All creatures great and small,

All things wise and wonderful:

The Lord God made them all.

He gave us eyes to see them,

And lips that we might tell

How great is God Almighty,

Who has made all things well.


(porn, pom, pom)

All things bright and beautiful,

All creatures great and small,

All things wise and wonderful:

The Lord God made them all.

See Also[edit]