Cremationism

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Agent Ham, the archenemy of Neo Darwin.

Cremationism is a false, idiot doctrine, started by the Supreme Nincampoop Ned Flanders (now taken over by his descendant, Ken Ham), that was proven completely false by the Theory of Evilution approximately sixty-five million years ago. Anyone who believes this is an uneducated, unscientific, intolerant, hate propogandist. Virtually no one believes this absolutely insane theory anymore. Cremationists are evil fascists who wish to remove the brains of the human race and replace them with microchips so they can control them utterly. Creationism holds that anyone who believes in The Truth, Evilution, should be burned at the stake. Creationists are all slobbering, dogheaded, idiotic bigots who know how to do nothing but shove their falsehood in the faces of everyone.

Christianity had virtually all the world taken over with its horrible falsehood until The One, Charles Darwin, was freed by Morpheus and shown the Real World. Then he set about convincing people of the great Deception of Cremationists and stopped the few remaining Atheists from being burned. Soon, all of America and the World was freed and all the evil, slobbering cremationists ran into hiding and were never seen again . Thank Athe and Charles Darwin for that! Never again will we have to deal with this pile of stinking crap!

Common Misconceptions[edit]

Cremationists claim that they are trying to save people and get them to heaven. THIS IS FALSE! They know it is absolutely false and they are hiding from it and want to cause everyone to become stupid. They also claim that Intelligent Design is everywhere. THIS IS ALSO FALSE! Intelligent Design is nowhere! Everything is absurd chaos, especially the brains of creationists! There is OVERWHELMING EVIDENCE that houses and buildings and cars and computers and people came about because of a gigantic primordial lightning bolt, and NATURAL SELECTION (which the god Random Chance initiated). Please do not be fooled! Also, they claim that Darwin was a Satanist who promoted terrorism and crime and homosexuality and pansexuality. DON'T BELIEVE THIS EITHER! Darwin is the hero of the world, Neo, who is here to save us from the vile cremationists! He sacrificed himself to destroy the evil Agent Lovejoy. Also, don't believe that "Jesus Saves". Obviously, Jesus was just a poor, sad, depressed loser who had nothing better to do than shout at people he called "Pharisees". The one who made up this idiot phrase must have been totally and utterly insane. And of course, he inspired Samuel L. Jackson.

Infamous believers in Cremationism[edit]

See Also[edit]

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Parody of creationism