Crow T. Robot
Crow T. Robot, also known as Art Crow, is a famed 20th century film director, actor, screenplay writer, and perhaps most well known as one of the survivors of the internment camp known as Satellit der Liebe. Born in the dingy basement of an anonymous high school freshman living on the outskirts of Detroit, he quickly escaped into the wilderness, which he was later quoted as saying "was a lot more fun than D&D sessions with some pimple-faced losers that smelled like Cheez Whiz."
Soon after his newfound liberation, he fell onto hard times, often having to take odd jobs at the Gizmonic Institute, where he came upon the Nobel Prize winning author Tom Servo, who had happened to teach a writing class there. While the two initially became fast friends, Crow would later write in his memoirs, Take This Book and Shove It, "After we escaped the ole' S.O.L., and found ourselves in the middle of Nowhere, Michigan, Servo was all like, 'Ooooh, look at me! I'm gonna go write a Nobel Prize winning novel, and you aren't!' And I was all like, 'Oh yeah? Well, screw you, buddy!' We haven't talked since. And he still owes me five bucks."
Earth Vs. Soup
Once Crow found himself back on earth, he made his way to Hollywood, USA, in the hopes of selling his screenplay for his film Earth Vs. Soup, which has long been considered by critics to be his magnum opus. The plot revolved around the citizens of a small town battling against radioactive, sentient soup, in an ironic send-up to many 1950's B-horror movies. After a hard sell, the script was bought by Universal Studios, with Ed Wood set to direct. Crow insisted that Samuel L. Jackson be slated to play the hero of the story, Leeroy "Motherfuckin'" Jenkins, and the film was slated to release in 1999.
The film's opening was showered with praise by critics and audiences alike, making a record-breaking $48 Bajillion on it's opening weekend. Leonard Maltin was quoted as saying "Forget that dumb Citizen Kane movie! This is what film-making is really about!"
Crow then went on to write for many more memorable films, such as The Day the Earth Blew Up, I was a Teenage Space Mummy, Attack of the Zombie Werewolf, and Snakes on a Plane. Many critics say he reached his cinematic peak when he directed and starred in the autobiographical Mystery Science Theater 3000, which chronicled his imprisonment on the Satellit der Liebe with Tom Servo and the former Gizmonic Institute janitor, Joel Hodgson, with Hodgson cast as himself and Gary Coleman cast as Tom Servo. The film is now considered to be one of the greatest films of all time.
Where Are They Now?™
Crow T. Robot currently resides in Palm Springs, California, with his wife, Kim Cattrall, and their two children, Steven and Moon Unit. He is currently working on the script for a new movie, Honey, I Forgot My Pants Again.