Crude oil

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Bad! Go sit in the corner until you learn to mind your manners!

Crude oil is oil that has been very bad, showing no sense of manners or social skills. It is often found in places that are unfit for proper society, dominated by corrupt businesses, dominated by corrupt governments, or all of the above.


Originally known as rock oil (or sometimes lewd oil) because it literally seeped out of rocks (like that creepy pervert at the mall), it is often colored black, brown, or even green (eww!), presumably due to improper hygiene.

Rap Sheet[edit]

Crude Oil has been implicated in a great many atrocities, crimes, wars, and other examples of bad behavior. It is very important to never trust the stuff! It is DANGEROUS! Furthermore, it is responsible for ruining countless holidays and beaches, killing countless marine animals, and worse.

Crude Oil is often used as a basis for nasty petrochemicals, pesticides, herbicides, chemical weapons, pollution, non-decomposing plastic litter, and other crimes of our materialist society.


Most crude oil comes from the sandboxes to the East and must be refined before it is used or it can make an engine dirty, causing it to randomly swear at the driver.

Sour Crude Oil reeks of sulfur (eww!).

Finding and Finishing[edit]

Crude Oil usually dwells deep in the ground and is often brought up by steam. This is generally inadequate, however, and it is often sent to refining school before it is considered presentable enough to present to consumers.