Crunchberry famine of 1652
The horribly devastating Crunchberry famine of 1652 caused the mass emmigration of thousands of native islanders. Lasting for a decade, this famine caused the death of over 4,000,000 Crunchberrians,
Causes of the Famine
Their are variuos theories on the cause on the Famine, but here are the main ones:
- Your Mom
- Jizzlam came into the area by the prophet Abresus Mohhabudist. Unkown to them, the almighty Jizz was toxic to the Crunchberry crops.
- Because Chuck Norris does not like Crunchberries
- Because you can't grow Crunchberries, Jackass
- Global Warming
- Acid Rain caused by polution from Nike Sweatshops
Agressiveness of Crunchberries
Crunchberries were the staple food for the people of the Crunchberry Islands. It had sustained the people over thousands of years. Crunchberry bushes, being a very invasive plant, started saying NI repeatedly and making fun of all the other plants your mom until they took their marbles and went home. This caused the diversity of other plants on the island to be very small.
The aggressive strain of Avian Flu that had been discovered in 1640 reached the hight of its outbreak in 1654. This strain of the virus caused the birds to drop dead left and lefter. By a strange twist of fate, the flu was presumed to have been caused by Zombie Jesus biting a bird which later got infected with bird flu. The bird's disease cause them not to be ravenous for brains but instead for Crunchberries. This further reduced the Crunchberry crop.
With the interweb booming at the time; there were tons of people trying to get money from the production of computer viruses and then selling you the anti-virus software. One of the most notorious is the virus monger Peter Norton. One day, after huffing some kittens he had a revelation, if he could only make a virus that affected living material then he could send it back in time to start a famine, wait a few years till they were desperate, and then sell them the anti-virus software to fix it. However after sending the virus through his time machine he started getting the shakes from not huffing kittens for a few minutes. He then sold the time machine to some dealer for more kittens.
Crunch is a drug similar to Anthropomorphine but even more addictive. It was originally used in religious ceremonies on the Crunchberry Islands. However, when foreigners landed they started experimenting with Crunch. It was at first smoked in a pipe at the signing of all treaties involving the Islands, as was the local custom. They started to ship it back in exchange for some measly trinkets and shells. When they realized how much money they could make off of it they started wantonly taking the crunchberries with little regard for the people of the island. The Germans built a permanent fort on the islands in 1656 and restricted access to the berry fields to everyone except the German exporters. This not only caused the food supply to be cut off from the natives but also started the Berry War of 1677. The massive shelling of the island by Mexico in this war further destroyed the crop. All of the crop, till the islands were destroyed in 1866 went to the production of crunch.
This Famine caused the death of over 4,000,000 islanders and is the reason that Cap'n Crunch left the islands. It is speculated that enacting the revenge on the shippers of crunch is one of the reasons he became a pirate.
- Class M Planet