Cueshe

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Cueshe(t)
Cueshet main.jpg
Origin Philippines, Mordor
Genre Boy Band, Gay
Years Active 2 years ago before they were killed by drunken mob and cult ninjas because of their gay ass music
Label(s) Fag, Gay, just plain butt ugly
Associated Acts Vigorous onstage fellatio, vigorous leg slapping
Website http://www.cueshet.com/fag/dingga

“Yan ang make up ko, isang box galing Japan!”

~ Jay Justiniani on his make up kit from Japan

“Pare pachupa naman o!”

~ Ruben Caballero on Jay Justiniani

Cueshé (pronounced as Q-shit) is a six-member Manila-based pop boyband. They are all gay.

Biography[edit]

The original cover of cueshet/cuegay's debut album "Half Retarded, Half Gay"

Cueshé encountered many personal problems before being moving to Manila. One believed himself to be the bastard spawn of Satan. But then, the world ended on that day, and millions of Filipino citizens wept and cried as Pinoy Big Brother Teen Edition suddenly showed live teenage sex. Their eyes bled due to the sheer horror of televised intercourse, which was amplified by the sex-ees being teenage and also being inept at sex. It took three tries to actual penetration, unfortunately, they did not notice it was in the wrong hole. How the overseers of the show managed to miss the incident was rather odd, but rumors of the people in charge that time being pedophiles have come out. But I digress.

Anyhoo, they used to practice their music in the bedroom of their current drummer/songwriter/bandleader Mike Manaloto - it was the band’s makeshift rehearsal studio. After practice, they would have bananacue, a cheap but nutritious Filipino street food for snacks, as it was what they could afford as students (it's actually covered in caramelized sugar which is reaaally healthy, despite medical sources and common sense). This became the inspiration for the first syllable of the band's name. The "shé", pronounced 'shay,' comes from the gender of the vocalist, who was she-male. According to the band, an accent was added at the end of Cueshé give it class (something that the band is obviously devoid of). Accents are so cool, with that move, they managed to attract hordes of horny pre-teen jailbait and non-jailbait females. There were also the ugly ones, but there is no love for the ugly.

Gay Justiniani spotted in Navigator's gay bar


Jay Justiniani replaced the she-male vocalist. This after he survived a near-death motorcycle mishap in December 24, 2001. It was his retarded fault anyway - he didn't listen to the driver's warnings of "Don't stick your legs out, dumass [sic]". Because of that, his legs collided with a broken-ass jeepney traveling at a 120 miles per hour and nearly died of blood loss, pain, and depression due to realizing how stupid he was. This dumb ass person only poses on every single gig they had, while vigorously slapping his left foot and touching his bandmate's dick not realizing how stupid he looks like onstage.


To make ends meet, bassist and songwriter Fritz Labrado drove jeepneys in Cebu with lead guitarist Jovan Mabini as his willing assistant and collector because they were broke-ass dirt poor. When I say dirt poor, I mean dirt poor. Jovan taught himself to play the guitar with an instrument borrowed from a friend - he can never buy an cheap-ass instrument because as I said earlier his family is dirt poor. Mike traded imported cigarettes for local bars in Cebu, while the rest focused on their studies. All the while, they continued their weekly jamming sessions even though they are dirt poor. It was a wild time, with flaming bottles of alcohol, drunk campfire singing, and eventual penetration if you catch my drift.

In case you don't, I mean "gay sex", but whatever.

And did I mention that they are dirt poor?

Guitarist/lead vocalist -or the so called beared guy with no life at all- Ruben Caballero later joined the group. His contribution to the band evolved from only doing vocals and fellatio with Jay to playing the guitar.

Pianist/Keyboardist Jhunjie Dosdos came into the band with musical experience from his younger years. He joined numerous singing contests when he was still a kid. In his former band, he performed vocals and guitars and occasional blowjobs. He left when cult ninjas suddenly attacked the band at a restaurant while he was in the loo fellatio-ing himself, and when he came back, nothing was left of his former band but assorted body parts and a gibbering waiter who wailed "Ia! Ia! Cthulu ftaghn!" endlessly. He was, like, "WTF, putang-ina," and subsequently went home and got wasted on Emperador brandy. Bad choice though, because it tastes like isopropyl alcohol. His traumatic and disturbing experience at the restaurant probably messed up his taste buds though, which is why he downed the whole damned bottle.

In March 2005, the band took a risk by moving to the capital to become full-time musicians. They were urgently signed up and rushed to the studio. What studio isn't named, but whichever it is, made lots of pseudo-porn movies for the Philippine movie industry, even though they sign on music bands, not make movies, which is so weird and mind-bloggling and stuff.

Cueshet's film debut opened a lot of virgin bi-curious asses.

The band has currently been facing several issues, one of which is the allegation that the band ripped-off Silverchair's "The Greatest View" and Simple Plan's "Perfect" chord progressions/tempo for their debut song, "Stay". It includes also the ripped song "Cant Let You Go" intro from the song "Soon" of Moonpools and Caterpillars.

The band is also rumored to have been using other talent outside the band to help compose the songs. They have since feuded with local acts such as Spongecola, Hale, Bamboo and Razorback about the said issue. Also, they have humiliated a female fan whom they claimed that they don't know her but that truth is they do. I read it in some obscure magazine, but the quote was underlined, bolded, and italicized, so it HAS to be true. It involved 5 pounds of tomatoes, a street dog, and a roll of flaming tissue paper. Though I never saw it, it probably rocked freakin' hard, like, ECW-people-falling-through-50-flaming-tables hard. Besides, the girl probably didn't get the joke, because it must be a Cebuano thing or whatever, and was offended.

Recently, Cueshit also contributed to the tribute album to the Eraserheads, "Ultraelecromagneticjam", in which they sung "Hard To Believe". Which is very much the same reaction of Eraserheads fans when they found out that these fuglies made it to an Eheads tribute album.

Another thing about Cueshet, they were fucking featured on the gayness of PULP magazine, which features the gayest of all ROCK bands in the philippines. As in ROCKERS! wHOOOOOOah Rock 'n Roll to the world

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Members[edit]

  • Ruben "Chupaero"/"Samuelito" Caballero - Lead vocals / Rhythm guitar
  • Jay "Jokla"/"Batchoy" (Bayot nga Choychoy) Justiniani - Handsome fatass
  • Jovan "Dingga" Mabini - Lead guitar
  • Jhunjie "Echos" Dosdos - Keyboards / Backup vocals
  • Fritz "Bokleng" Labrado - Bass (Songwriter)
  • Smokey "Pah-Mihn-Ta" Manaloto - Drums (Songwriter)
  • Jinggoy "Syoke" Cariaga - Banana-que/taho/mais/balut vendor (self-proclaimed "band manduruger")
  • Janet Napoles "new female lead vocalist" "Baboy ramo"

Former Members[edit]

Hard core Cueshet fans showin' the love.
  • Chai Alcordo - she-male vocals

Albums[edit]

  • Half Retarded, Half Gay - Debut album as of 2005 (Sony-BMG Music Entertainment)

Movie(s)[edit]

  • Brokeback Mountain 2: Let's do it in the pwet like a train, paikot tayo - Breakthrough Gay Movie of the Year 2005

Videos/Singles[edit]

  • "Stay In My Ass"
  • "Leave" [ft. Anyone in their right mind.]
  • "Sorry I'm a homo"
  • "Ulan (It's raining men)"
  • "Jay's Yellow Polka Dot Bikini"
  • "Can't Let You Go In My Pwet"
  • "Love Me Now, Hate Me Soon, I'm Gay"
  • "I Want It That Way"
  • "I Like It In The Pwet"
  • "Oh My Gawsh! If That's Where Your Banana Cue Is, Then Where's Mine?" (stayed 1000 years as Top 1)
  • "Back to Me (in my ass)"
  • "Jay's Ass Is Loose " a single by Ruben "Chupaero" Caballero
  • "Pagkalami sa blowjob"
  • "Toyi Toyi ta sa kasagingan"
  • "WAY LAMI SYANG BAYHANA"

External links[edit]