Cure for AIDS

From Uncyclopedia, the content-free encyclopedia.
Jump to: navigation, search
Easy eh?

“We can't cure it - give generously to Keep a Child Alive, though”

~ Alicia Keys on AIDS

There are currently two known cures for AIDS...

Cure 1[edit]

The first cure for AIDS is really very simple. It consists of two steps:

Step 1: Remove all the bad, AIDS-infected blood from the patient. It is a little-known fact that human body can survive for 14 minutes with no blood whatsoever. The most common method used to remove all the blood from a patient's body is to make a small incision on the index finger, and another on a toe (releasing the patient into a room full of vampires works too). Then, simply blow in the finger and all the blood will pour out the toe in a matter of minutes. Make sure to discard this blood!

Step 2: Pump fresh, non-infected blood into the patient's body. Since it's not always possible to find 37 pints of blood, an easy thing to do is substitute saline solution. The body can survive with up to 70% saline. Keep pumping in the blood until it squirts out the toe.

Don't forget to screw in the drain pan plug, or else the blood can spill out later while you are walking, resulting in dizziness, disorientation, and falling.

That's all there is to it! The patient should wake up AIDS-free in a matter of minutes. However, since AIDS is very contagious, they usually come down with it again in a matter of minutes.

Cure 2[edit]

Cure two is still in the development stages but initial tests have given very positives results. The patient is injected with a drug called Chucknorrisipium which is a very rare gene that has been extracted from the round-house kick DNA from Chuck Norris. this serum, when injected into the AIDS virus proceeds to round-house kick it to death resulting in the patient being AIDS free within 2 minutes.

However, scientists currently do not know how to stop the destruction as nothing has ever been discovered that can stop Chuck Norris. Subsequantly, despite the patient being cured the serum continues ravaging the body, round-house kicking them to death from the inside out. It is not a pleasent sight.

See Also[edit]

Boyd Graves AIDS Activist

Takes on The US Government

By Junious Ricardo Stanton


Eleven years ago, Boyd Graves a lawyer and 1975 graduate of the US Naval Academy discovered he was HIV AIDS positive. Rather than lay down and accept it as a death sentence, he resolved to learn all he could about the disease in hopes of seeking a cure. What Graves discovered shocked and enraged him. Based upon information he discovered in the public domain and through the Freedom of Information Act, he concluded the US Government was involved in a super secret Special Virus Cancer Program he feels is the cause of the dreaded disease HIV/AIDS.

In 1999, Graves discovered the secret 1971 Special Virus Cancer Flow Chart which spells out the incremental development of a laboratory produced virus designed to attack and undermine the immune systems of people of African descent. Graves has sought support from various government agencies, namely, the General Accounting Office, former Ohio Congressman Trafficant, AIDS organizations and finally the courts.

On October 24, Graves will go into federal Court in San Diego California in a suit he filed in an attempt to get the US Government to 'fess up to its role in the creation of HIV AIDS.


While many have attempted to discredit and dismissed Graves' assertions, few have been able to refute the existence of the Flow Chart he discovered in 1999. The very existence of these government documents provide credence to the suspicions of many African Americans that the US Government was indeed behind the creation if HIV/AIDS.

For Graves, it has been a lonely, uphill, and often desperate battle. Not only has he had to endure charges of being a paranoid "conspiracy kook" by those who don't believe the US Government is capable of such reprehensible behavior.

(They are either ignorant of or in denial about blankets laced with smallpox given to Native Americans by the US government or infamous programs like the Tuskegee Experiment where hundreds of infected African American males in Alabama were denied treatment so the US government could chronicle the long term effects of untreated syphilis.) 

Graves' charges also rankle many in the academic, pharmaceutical, and public health communities who have built reputations, careers and fortunes on the orthodoxy that AIDS originated in Africa the result of human interaction with infected primates. "Indeed the truth is the HIV/AIDS enzyme is the result of a designer virus program of the United States of America and it is conclusive proof," corrected Graves, who has experienced the biases, ostracism, rejection, and government harassment due to being infected by AIDS and because he dared to expose the government's involvement in the creation of HIV/AIDS.

Nevertheless he tirelessly lectures, gives radio interviews, and speaks at conferences trying to alert the public about the government's diabolical program of population control. "We've been at this now for eleven years following my diagnosis of HIV in 1992," Graves revealed. "I didn't stick my head in the sand and as a result of that now eleven years later we have some of the official documents, even the experiments and contracts of a secret federal virus program entitled 'The US Special Virus Program'. These aren't my documents, they are the government's."

Graves is obsessed with getting the word out and sees himself as a modern day David battling the formidable Goliath of the US government. "I'm involved in a modern venue of David and Goliath because there is no more bigger giant than the United States Government. The truth provides strength. I find comfort in the truth and it gives me the drive and initiative to get up each and every day to continue our efforts to expose the truth because over time the truth has always risen to the top and its going to happen here."

Graves put the flow chart on his website www.BoydGraves.com and over 26,000 people have downloaded it. "We've got two dozen scientists and medical doctors who have reviewed this material and to a person, they all agree this federal program is at the heart of the genesis of HIV and AIDS."

Graves has a special interest in the program for he was diagnosed HIV positive. In doing his research he came upon a patented cure for AIDS which he took and now says he is symptom free.

"The United States patented the cure for AIDS in 1997 and that patent number is 5676977 and I tell people to go to www.google.com and type in U S Patent and that number and the information will come up. I tell people to go to the main library and look into the world catalogue data base and put in 'Special Virus Cancer Program' and you will find at least three four or five of those progress reports of the development of HIV are in the main library. Some of these reports are in the public domain."

Graves knows of what he speaks because he took the cure himself in 2001. "Twenty-two months ago I took the US patented cure for AIDS. It is a one time injection, I call it an infusion because it takes about twenty minutes. It's a large plunger kind of thing but that is all I've had and physically I am fine and symptom free."

Graves is eager to get the US Government in court. Earlier suits he filed were dismissed but on October 24th at 11 AM he will have his day in court to plead his case before the US Federal Court in San Diego California in his attempt to force the government to reveal the sordid details about its role in the creation of HIV/AIDS. Graves also hopes to force the government to reveal the patented cure.

Graves is a law school graduate but has not taken the bar exam in any state. Nevertheless, he will represent himself as a plaintiff seeking information on his behalf and others. "A suit can be brought by any individual. Here in this case though, we believe we have done it appropriately by being and individual who has been infected by HIV and AIDS as the lead plaintiff myself in this case going forward."

Graves is confident he will prevail in court but is disappointed in the apathy within the African‑American community about the spread of this ravenous disease.