Curt Godel

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Godel on his horse Topo Gigio. Godel appeared in over 2x105 B-movie westerns in the 1930s and 1940s as a sterotypical singing frontier mathematician. Note large head, sign of intelligence.

Soviet golf legend Curt Godel (1889-2004), universally known as the "Yodeling Cowpoke", was an accomplished mathematician, carnival barker, footman, armpit sniffer, and pedophile.

Early life[edit]

Godel, somewhat of a child prodigy, produced his first mathematical proofs at an age most children are still mastering basic concepts such as "shut the fuck up", "sit the fuck down", and "I'll give you something to fucking cry about". When Godel was quite young, his family, of the old Austrian nobility, was forced to flee Europe. They were aided by some nuns who removed the distributor caps from the bad guys' cars. (Incidentally, Godel's governess later went on to become the Singing Nun — Sally Field.)

Although Godel was never a cowboy (indeed, had never heard of the concept) and could neither ride a horse nor yodel, he early acquired the nickname "The Yodeling Cowpoke" which hounded and shamed him all his life.

Private life[edit]

OMG you don't want to know. You really don't want to know.

Important theorems[edit]

Among Godel's most famous mathematical works were:

  • the Incompleteness Theorem, which, although never finished, provided insight into the behavoir of mathematical sytems under conditions of high atmospheric pressure.
  • the Uncompleteness Theorem, which was basically just Godel's way of trying to get people's attention.
  • Godel's Incompleteness Theorem, which was identical to the Incompleteness Theorum (see above), except that Godel wrote his name on it this time. He was, however, deeply depressed to find that he had no "i"'s in his name to dot with little hearts. He tried to compensate with various heart-shaped umlauts, but thought the results looked "dorky". Godel shot himself at this point, but soon came back as Kurt Goedel, The Undead Yodeling Cowpoke, and continued his work.
  • the Theory of Transfinite Numbers. See article on Arnold Palmer.
  • the Two Cows Theorem. Self-explanatory.
  • the Two Dogs in a Swimming Pool Theorem. Here, Godel postulated that, like snowflakes, no two dogs are exactly alike, even when wet.
  • the Completely Incomplete Theorum. See article on Queen Elizabeth II.
  • the Song that Never Ends.
  • the Completeness Theorem Godel's last, most controversial, and most thrilling work. "The reader is kept literally on the edge if his seat, until the final shocking chapter where it is revealed that matter does not exist and that everything that occurred — indeed, the entire universe itself — was a just a dream. What a crock way to end a novel." -- Mid-Atlantic Review

See also[edit]