Cymru Airways

From Uncyclopedia, the content-free encyclopedia.
Jump to: navigation, search
Cymru Airways
Formed 1999
Hub Swansea
Focus Cities Baghdad
Chairman Dai Davies
Like Ryanair? Yes
Flies to America? No
Drunk or Female Pilots? Both
Basically Is The Airline Shit? Yes

Cymru Airways was set up in 1999 as part of Britains millenium celebrations along with other disasters such as the London Eye and the Millenium Dome. The Airline flies to many exotic cities such as Toronto and Moscow. The airline is known for having the world record of having their operating licence taken away from them which stands at 81 times.

Swansea Airport as Cymru Airways hub has won the biggest and best airport award for 17 years straight.


A typical Cymru Airways plane. Picture taken 2005.

The Airline is well known for buying legendary planes such as Nimrod and Concorde which had a 100% safety record before Cymru Airways bought them. A notable crash for Cymru Airways was when a Boeing 707 crashed in Cardiff Airport the people on board survived but the peasants of Cardiff had never seen a plane before even though they have an airport sucked the blood of passengers and turned them into civillians of Cardiff.

Passenger Service[edit]

Expect world class service on a Cymru Airways flight.

The airline is considered to be the Welsh equivalent of Irish airline Ryanair which means five star service, you should expect 4 inches of foot and head room, a 2 inch screen to watch Forrest Gump on and a friendly slightly inebriated pilot to fly the plane. The planes have friendly staff which if you look closer are really extras from I-Robot, yes friendly if you don't like it you know where to go. The toilets in a Cymru Airways plane are six feet wide to allow for mile-high activities passengers come first with this airline. The staff are dressed in suits and are given fake name tags so passengers cannot identify staff in court. The airline allows a 1kg baggage allowance so the plane can initiate guidline braking procedures. The staff often bring their pets on board almost always being rats this is a back-up plan to stop health and safety shutting the airline down.

Service of food on board is a mandotary policy of the airline which is usually Tesco value food cooked in a microwave and customers are charged around £18 for this or they can send their children into training for the airline to avoid this charge if they do not have children they can volunteer their cat to clean out the rat infestations on board if they do it on ships they can do it on an aeroplane right? Customers are sometimes allowed to pay a visit to the cockpit to have a drink with the pilot (The co-pilot is normally vacuuming the walkway). The airline has a strict policy of sitting fat people in the centre of the plane to keep gravity afloat and their giant rolls of fat. Due to budget restrictions passengers have to enter the plane using a rope ladder and the planes have no life jackets lets be honest planes don't crash nowadays do they?

The planes have three classes Economy, Frequent Flyers (Economy) and First Class (Economy) all cost £2 per person per seat. If a customer has the guts to bring their own food on board, then when the plane lands at the destination they will be forced into stocks and make a public apology to flight crew if they refuse they can be fined £5. It is company policy to greet passengers upon arrival into the cabin the normal line is "Greetings passenger, what seat will you be sat on this merry day? and by the way my names Shay" and upon leaving the plane "Are you paying too much for your travel insurance as fooled travel insurance can offer you savings of up to 90% sign up now".


A Tyipical Cymru Airplane Landing

Yes the airline will be soon if Parliament has it's way. The airline has been here since 1999, the airline bought it's planes from Air France and the RAF a good investment I hear you say. The airlines first passengers were celebrities and political figures such as Jade Goody, Gary Glitter, Adolf Hitler and George Michael, they flew on a Boeing 717 which computers failed and sent these skidmarks into the deepest realms of the pacific ocean.

The E-Vil Empire[edit]

The airline is part of a group which consists of Ryanair, Easyjet, British Airways and American Airlines which all aim but fail in giving high customer satisfaction, but strive in giving low prices with hidden charges such as passport tax and decibel tax, the latter identifies your voice and if you shout at the flight attendants it will automatically charge you for it when you get of the plane.

See Also[edit]