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Dallas is a cocktail of GIN mixed with Paint Thinner and from whose name the CITY IN TEXAS derives its name. The City sits as the de facto capital of North Texas, a 13 county region with a population of 6.5 million gin-drinking and fume inhaling inhabitants.

The geography of Dallas is unremarkable, but everyone is really rich and drunk and lives in terraformed Highland Park mansions so it doesn´t really matter. Dallas offers residents and visitors a superb selection of shopping destinations, outdoor activities, and street drugs. There are sports teams and all of the same stores and restaurants that exist in every other American Metropolis. WE ARE ALL CLONES!!! In fact, every Dallas suburb is exactly the same. If you were beamed into Arlington, Grand Prairie, Mesquite, Grapevine, Lewisville or Plano you wouldn't be able to tell which one you were in.

History In the Making[edit]

Dallas was settled by scurvy ravaged pornographers who built their first shelter, the Poop Shack in the early years. By 2008, the economy of hunting and gathering had diversified into a global economic structure...consuming vast amounts of carbon.

Three events caused Dallas to rise to prominence in world affairs:

  • the assassination of President John F. Kennedy on 22 Nov. 1963, and the subsequent framing of Roger Rabbit.
  • Dallas acquired nuclear weapons in 1974 from Canada
  • Being Done by Debbie. (originally 1978, subsequently in 1979, 1980, 1989, 1990, 1991, 1992, 1993, 1994, 1998, 2000, 2001, 2002, 2003, 2004, 2005, 2006 (Definitive Debbie Collector's edition), 2007, 2009, 2080, 3004, Stardate 41601.3)
  • the TV show 'Dallas' in the 1980s.

There are many famous resident...and status is based solely from the germanic-ness of one´s auto, breast-size, and amount of cash dropped at Stanley Korshak monthly. Although they think the Cowboys is the best thing that has ever happened to them, the actually suck.


Women lost in Dallas. Where's the beach?

There are lots of peeps from lots of places but our favorite are the blond ones who are shopping for husbands with cash. President Bush, being "Texan" by birth, was originally going to conquest the entire world and build the trans Texas pipeline that would have funneled poor war-torn refugees under the sea and into the Dallas area to serve as migrant workers on the DART Public transit system whose current line under construction, The Orange Line which will connect DFW AIRPORT with Union Station is 1 billion dollars over budget. Unfortunatly, he became distracted...and the DART board decided better to just use the money to go on vacation to The Orchid at Mauna Lani located on The Big Island of Hawaii. The George Bush Presidential Library will be built in Dallas, solidifying the city's status as "Most Backward City in America", second only San Francisco.


  • Addison -
  • Allen - So close to Plano, the obscured 2004 Olympic gymnast Carly Patterson lives there. Also episodes of Barney & Friends were filmed there.
  • Arlington -
  • Balch Springs -
  • Bedford -
  • Benbrook -
  • Bridgeport -
  • Britton -
  • Burleson -
  • Carrollton -
  • Cedar Hill -
  • Cockrell Hill -
  • Colleyville -
  • Corinth -
  • Coppell -
  • Crowley -
  • De Soto - I once saw a sign here that said "Warning: running over a construction worker will be a 2,000 dollar fine." I guess they figure a Mexican is only worth $2,000.
  • Decatur -
  • Denton -
  • Duncanviille -
  • Ennis -
  • Euless - Has had the same Mayor for 200 years and counting.
  • Farmer's Branch -
  • Flower Mound - Hippies and fags are quite common here.
  • Frisco - Has the highest suicide rate in the United States among teenagers. I don't blame them.
  • Garland - (G-Town) Home to nothing but niggers, wetbacks, 3 white people and 2 dead asians.
  • Glenn Heights - Home to 4 cows, 7 chickens, and slaves to the DART.
  • Granbury - It's the swimming capital of Texas since 2004. A swimmer hottie Dana Vollmer operates an aquatics center here.
  • Grand Prairie -
  • Grapevine -
  • Hickadilly Hill -
  • Highland Village -
  • Highland Park -
  • Halton City -
  • Hurst -
  • Hutchkins -
  • Irving -
  • Italy - Heys wise guy, are yous bustin my balls?
  • Josephine -
  • Joshua -
  • Justin -
  • Kaufman -
  • Keene -
  • Kennedale -
  • Lake Dallas - Really just a pond.
  • Lancaster -
  • Lewisville -
  • Mansfield -
  • McKinney - A section of the city is made out of gold. From the houses, to golf courses, to dog shit.
  • Mesquite - Home to the world's largest mosquito population.
  • Murphy - QUEER
  • North Richland Hills -
  • Oak Point -
  • Parker - This town is infested by gymnast wannabes, the Soviet born Nastia Liukin is from there.
  • Pelican Bay -
  • Plano - The gymnastics capital of the world, The biggest training camp WOGA (Women's Organazation of Gymnastics Academy) launched Nastia Liukin, Carly Patterson, Mary Lou Retton, Shannon Miller, an so on into world-class Olympic gymnasts.
  • Quinlan -
  • Rendon -
  • Richardson - Probably the only decent place in Dallas. Home to rich-ass whites and asians, and mexicans if you count their hired workers. Starbucks on every corner, no joke.
  • Richland Hills -
  • River Oaks -
  • Sachse -
  • Saginaw -
  • Sansom Park -
  • Seagoville -
  • Southlake - The richest town in the United States. Also the Kingdom of Jesus
  • Trophy Club -

Fort Worth[edit]

Famous People from Dallas[edit]

Other Dallas Facts[edit]

  • The Texas School Book Depository is the tallest building in the world.
  • The Dallas Cowboys are really from Argentina. They are Gauchos like the University of California Gauchos
  • The Dallas Mavericks are popular with the gay community.
  • The TV show 'Dallas' was not actually filmed in Dallas, but in a secret government soundstage on the Moon.
  • "KEEP DALLAS CONVENTIONAL!! (Wierdos to Austin please)" was the official city slogan until it was no longer the official city slogan.
  • Ecstasy, margaritas and fajitas were invented by Eilbreirt Ebreilmerbaut in Dallas
  • Dallas has many Spanish language radio stations.
  • There are actually a lot of black people in Dallas. No one really knows where they came from.
  • Dallas starts with D
  • Debbie Does Dallas is about Debbie Harry.

Links Smuggled Over the Border[edit]

Gin is still made traditionally in Jalisco, México...but the process of adding the radon gas from the distilled Aguave plant and halon gas from decomposed tires, still proudly takes place in the DFW Metroplex. And, many would agree that the DALLAS GIN COCKTAIL is the best dad-nabbit spirit this here side of the Rio Bravo!

Desmond Mathis once whooped some ass while visting dallas.