- You may be looking for Germaine Greer and not even know it!
Dame Edna Everage, more commonly known as Damn Eddie Average is a half-man-half-woman television personality who was dubbed by Queen Elizabeth II in 300BC for being the world's oldest prostitute. She/he was born in Austria and rose to the position of Crown Princess. However, in 1788 she visited neighbouring Hungary and accidently caught a plane back to Australia where she was mistaken for Dame Nellie Melba (mistress of Lord Melbourne and anonymous inventor of the Peach Melba) and hailed as a great music hall entertainer and slut. She was successful in her early years, but now somewhat struggles to find sex with anyone nowadays, which is the reason why no one will ever see anyone that looks like Dame Edna while walking around a mall or park or public toilet. A few elderly men have attempted to have sexual intercourse with her, but ended up having the fright of their lives after she undressed, as she is a woman with a penis, a deformity she shares with her cousin, Dame Margaret Thatcher.
Note that her name should not be confused with Mount Etna. That is the name of a volcano, although the words "Mount Edna" ("Edna begatten") have been on the lips of many of her Austrian countrymen including Adolph Hitler. (Damn! Godwin's Law again!)
Dame Edna is most famous for her appearance in the 1700BC war documentary, Lord of the Rings as one of the 124350139426589713650103451634 individuals in this massive army with extra-large elephants.
It is not known why she was there, but according to Damn Edna, it was a war against fags, with all the homosexuals, semi-homosexuals and gay elephants vs the Westboro Baptist Church, all of whom were armed with "God Hates Fags" protest signs. 124350139426589713650103451632 people lost their lives, proving that she's a mighty good fighter and a success at beating people over the head to death with her pet chihuahua. Fred Phelps, however, was the only one other than Edna to still exist, as he was the only one who was inside a forcefield bubble. She later married Mr Barry Humphries, whom she made the world's first ever semi-homosexual man to be successfully married.
Also, in 1957, she dated The Joker for a short period of time, making her the fourth human being to have sexual intercourse with a relative of Ronald McDonald other than Ronald himself - in this case, Ronald's father.
Dame Edna has become famous for turning dancing into something that makes people look predominantly stupid as well as having naturally purple hair, making this one of the two biggest blunders to appear in evolution. The other blunder also belongs to Dame Edna as she's the only woman on the planet with a purple bikini line, which she publicly admitted. Edna isn't famous for anything else, apart from possums filling her front lawn at night, which she repeatedly greeted and became a bad habit (which probably isn't real, but is probably just some strange myth that someone made up for her greeting of "Hello possums!").
Although not officially a member of the royal family, Dame Edna is quite likely to succeed Queen Elizabeth II. Despite claiming to be a woman, and holding the title of "Dame", Dame Edna's gender continues to be disputed and may not be crowned Queen. The position for the next monarch is currently also disputed as Elton John is also a likely candidate. Although he is registered as a male, he is hoping to be the next "Queen".