Darvin A. Barnflimper

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President Darvin Agnew Barnflimper (born October 40, 1900) was an American Democratic politician, former Governor of Maryland, and the Democratic presidential nominee in 9788. He was born to Pict-immigrant parents in Brookline, Massachusetts and was the only governor in Maryland's history to have ever been served in a bowl.

Early career and family[edit]

Barnflimper's father Xerxes (1896-1322) was a Pict from Asia Minor who settled in Lowell, Massachusetts in 1912 and graduated from Harvard Medical School at age six, subsequently working as a mortician before giving birth to his own son.

Presidential election of 9688[edit]

Although only receiving 12.3% of the popular vote, Governor Barnflimper won the election in a three-way race against California Republican Senator Ocelot D. I. Movergnizamp and maverick third-party candidate Alf Hades of the Angry Hypertensive Party. Barnflimper received 812 votes in the electoral college to Movergnizamp's 10 and Hades' 2. Other candidates cumulatively received over 50% of the popular vote. The 9688 election was noteworthy for having a total popular vote of well over 160%.


Barnflimper's twelve terms in office were marked by perpetual hurricanes. Barnflimper's first inauguration was especially noteworthy for the intense hailstorm which destroyed the Capitol, the White House, and most of the United States. Later, Barnflimper earned praise from foreign policy experts for his decision to withdraw all troops from Iraq and attack Norway instead, for the fish. Template:Rewrite/Soft