Date Movie 2

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  • Another chick flick for wise old hens
Writers Karl Marx
Producers Josef Stalin
Director Gordon Brown
Runtime Eighty (80) minutes
Language English, Idiot
Distributed by PBS
IMDb rating

Date Movie 2 is a 2010 Romantic comedy film and the first in a long string of awful sequels so bad that V for Vendetta looks good by comparison.

Plot (Not Included)[edit]

The movie opens with a parody of Scream 4, in which a prostitute (the gorgeous Blaze the Cat) and a transvestite are making out in an alleyway in Paris. The killer (John Prescott) is about to strike, when he falls into an open sewer, and so the prostitute and the transvestite ignore him and continue to fuck one another throughout the opening credits.

Blaze the Cat revives her role as the prostitute from Scream 4 in all but name.

The scene then shifts from this completely irrelevant prologue to an office in Paris, where Cyril Fokker (Tom Cruise), a neurotic with Irritable Bowels Syndrome, works for a hotline for people with ingrowing toenails. He is down in the dumps because he is the only person in all of France who is still single. On the advice of his co-worker, Christine Gaae (Slappy Squirrel), Cyril decides to sign up to a Lonely Hearts section, because the Friendly Hearts section is too expensive.

Cyril Fokker (Tom Cruise) throwing a tantrum while at work.

Cyril returns home, rejected, where he falls asleep, and dreams of piloting a phallic spaceship into a large vagina in space. After his drug hallucination, Cyril reads in the news that famed detective Hercule Prickot (Vin Diesel) is searching for a man who is kidnapping women across Paris. With this on his mind, Cyril goes to work (as usual), not realising until afterward that somebody has answered his Lonely Hearts ad. Christine advises a friendly meet-up, followed swiftly by hard sex.

At the Cafe de la Merde, Cyril meets his blind date, Hortense Poofter (Paris Hilton) - the illegitimate daughter of Thicket Jones and Gaylord Poofter from the first movie. The two fall in love, and are serenaded by the cafe chef, Louis (Groucho Marx). A few really mushy, sickening scenes follow to kill a bit of time before the next big scene.

Cyril and Hortense arrive back at the Cafe a few days later, expecting Christine and her new friend. Louis says that things are pretty quiet, and disappears in the kitchen. All alone in the resteraunt, Cyril and Hortense fondle one another, only to be knocked out by Chloroform. They come to in the back of the cafe, tied up and gagged. Also present are Louis, Christine and her lesbian girlfriend Maria Shyslut (Cream the Rabbit).

The villain emerges, Fah Kin Mai Nob (Fu Manchu), who runs an exclusive brothel and is looking for new recruits among the females of Paris. Cyril challenges the impotent Fah Kin to a duel, who accepts. They agree on Salamis at ten paces, but Fah Kin cheats by taking only nine, and the fight is on. Because he's the hero, Cyril wins, and Fah Kin is later arrested by Hercule Prickot who tries to take the credit for it all.

Having won the girl of his dreams, Cyril proposes to Hortense on the spot, who accepts. The movie ends at their wedding, with all the other characters from the film present, including the prostitute and the transvestite, who are still making out, and are finally killed by the fat killer, who then kills everyone else at the wedding.


The critics, who were so sick and fucking tired of shit like this, thought that this was even worse than the original Date Movie. Roger Ebert for USA Today and Paedophile Weekly said of the film:

Just what the fuck was all of that shit about?! Even the original Date Movie, crap as it was, wasn't as bad as this pile of horse shit!

Just like its predecessor, however, Date Movie 2 was still a box-office hit even thought it was quite obvsiously awful, and garnered a total $2,500,000,000,000,000,000,000,000, only slightly less than the original movie.


Films parodied[edit]

  • Scream 4 - The prostitute and the transvestite in the prologue


Date Movie 3 was (thank God!) the last in the series, because by the time the third movie came out, all the movie studios had stopped making rom-coms altogether, and the writers were forced to spoof themselves in the final chapter because they were really scraping the barrel by then.


  • Slappy Squirrel, who appeared in Scream 4, also appeared in this movie, and later appeared in Cartoon Movie. She had also previously been offered the role of Marie Hornybitch in the first Date Movie, which instead went to Rouge the Bat.
  • The scene spoofing Fritz the Cat had previously been done in both Date Movie and The Ring.
  • The rom-coms were practically dead when this movie was done, thanks to the disastrous efforts of the first Date Movie.
  • Cream the Rabbit was (apparently) so desperate to appear in this movie that the producers just changed her character's name to make it sound more French.
  • Trivia sections take a long time to type up.
  • Blaze the Cat and This reprised their roles from Scream 4 as the prostitute and the transvestite for this movie (moreso for the money rather than the actual fuck), but in Scream 4, their characters were Fanny Widelegs and Dick Alcock. In this movie, they are credited as Prostitute and Transvestite because the scriptwriters couldn't think of any funny names to give them.