Dave Barry

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Dave Barry (whose name could be rearranged to spell "arr, very bad" if it had one more 'r' in it) is the funniest man alive. He is a comical writer who enjoys writing comical things. He is by no means— and I mean no means— a redundant writer who writes redundantly. Redundancy is the biggest turn off in writing history. It is the biggest turnoff in writing history because it repeats unnecessary words, repeatedly and redundantly.

Anyway, Dave Barry writes really funny newspaper columns, columns that are even funnier than watching a Nazi chipmunk in a cheap brown suit shock a grey squirrel with an electrical wire again and again and again. ("Electrical Squirrel" would be a good name for a rock band.)

Dave once shared the following anecdotal anecdote with me: He was driving in his car (1975 Ford Prefect) and discovered that while driving a car, it is possible to take both hands off the wheel and continue in a straight line. This single earth-shattering phenomenon induced consequential mechanical things. If repeated often enough, this is also a good way to become a Nazi chipmunk. No, seriously, it's a good way to cash in on your insurance.

Dave lived in Miami for several years and so is an honorary member of—I am not making this up—the Cuban Mafia. He currently lives in miami somewhere in the nether regions of Kansas. While married, Dave still finds time to visit local strip clubs and department stores. If only he had a horse on a bicycle.

We're around the end of the article here, which means it's time for me to squeeze in one last reference to an earlier gag. Is this a bad writing technique if used over and over? Arr, very bad indeed! Now I need a beer.

These Are The Daves I Know I Know, These Are The Daves I Know
Some of them are Davids, but most of them are Daves
David Attenborough - David Beckham - David Blaine - David Bowie - David Byrne - David Cameron - Dave Chappelle - David Copperfield - David Duchovny - David Duke - Dave Gahan - Dave Gilmour - Dave Grohl - David Hasselhoff - David Hume - David Icke - David Letterman - Dave Lister - David Lloyd George - David Lynch - Dave Meltzer - Dave Murray - Dave Mustaine - David Tennant - Dave Thomas
They All Have Their Own Hands, But They Come From Different Moms