|This article or section may be Overly British. Americans may not understand humour, only humor. Canadians and Australians may not understand anything at all. Don't change a thing to remedy this.|
“As you can see, hats are primarily made out of wood.”
And here, slowly, we see, the rare, shrew-like, lesser-spotted David Attenborough crouching, defecating, in the light, deciduous, woodlands, of the lower slopes, of the Netherlands Antilles. This, elusive, creature, of the Homo genus, of which this, of the homo sapiens species, is, one of only, 3, or 4, or perhaps even 5, or maybe 6, remaining, in the wild. Here, in the St. Eustasius wildlife reserve, game, wardens, have sucessfully bred, two, of these highly, telegenic, animals. This, is a fine, example, dressed here in its usual, summertime, plumage, of beige and blue, commonly known, as, The Englishman Abroad. Its brother, the shy, retiring, Dickie, or Richard, as he is known, to, the keepers, is, currently, in season, and, is mounting me, as, we speak. He claims to have been the person who discovered Susan Boyle while filming an animal reality TV show in Blackburn, Scotland. He though she was a bear.
During, the mating, season, David, either, leans, on his hand, or, poses, thoughtfully,often wearing stupidly short shorts, looking at, an animal, while, gently whispering, into, its ear. Attenborough, is, one of the most, famous, animals, on television, today, being almost, perpetually followed, by, a film crew, while, he slowly whispers, his mating call, to the creatures, of, the forest. During, the winter, David migrates, to, the suburbs, of, major world cities, feeding, and indeed, foraging, on the remains, of upper-class families',
he has died, several times, but, at the age of, 926, is, immortal rubbish.
David, can be, spotted, by his, characteristic, flaps of skin, around, the neck, which give, the appearance, of, a shirt collar. Typically, this, flap of skin, will, be loose, exposing, the grey-haired, sweaty chest, beneath. Attenborough can, often, be seen, crawling through, dense vegetation, watching, other animals, and whispering, intently, often, mimicking the noises of rich, British tourists, which, he often hears.
Most notibly David consistantly wears the same cream trousers, blue shortsleaved shirt, and brown loafers, despite, climate, weather, or humidity.
David, has, during his, illustrious screen career, appeared, on the following, feature, films:
- 1962 - The Beast who speaks like a Gentlemen
- 1968 - Animals who watch other animals and talk about them
- 1981 - Elderly animals
- 1992 - Croquet in the Jungle
- 1993 - Jurassic Park as 'George "Organ" Hammond'
- 1998 - The Secret life of Upper-Class British Whispering Animals
- 2002 - The Sexy Lives of Mammals
- 2007 - Planet Mirth
David, as honourary, head, of, the BBC, wildlife films, department, even, at one time, produced, his own, programme, "The Old, Grey, Whistle, Test", featuring, his whispering, friend, Bob, Whispering Bob, Harris, a crazed, bucktoothed, hairy, creature, from the depths, of the Amazon Rainforest.
It is widely known, that the Duck-billed Platypus, has a large, grudge against Sir Lord David, Attenborough CBE OBE GCMG, due to the fact, that the, animal, is the, only, animal to not be followed by the whispers, of, David.#