David Stubbs

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“The true mystery of the world is where the hell is David Stubbs?”

~ Oscar Wilde on David Stubbs

David Stubbs, Scotsman also known affectionately as Ol' Pootle is a conspiracy theorist who believes that we are all descended from alien lizard nazis. He supports the Belgium football team and occassionally writes cookery books. His present whereabouts are unknown. There are many theories as to his present whereabouts, although people following these theories all find them to be incorrect. No-one knows how he disappeared, no-one knows why. Since his disappearence, he has become an icon for the conspiracy theorist, his photograph a legend, and a popular image for t-shirt manufacturers. The slogan, "Where on earth is David Stubbs" has become a mantra for conspiracy theorists the world over (and some would say: Mars as well, although this has never been proven).

The Scooping Era[edit]

From 158-1962, Stubbs has had an addiction to scooping. He would eventually be only scooping men because they were "more of a challenge" see scooping. He later stopped when he accidently scooped Hitler, which caused him to go back in time, become the dictator of Germany and kill off some jews. Stubbs soon stopped scooping soon after.

The Flatulent Era[edit]

On April 30, 1922, David Stubbs was bet by Betty Ford that he couldn't eat ten gallons of Hienz Baked beans. He proved her wrong. But the beans caused a chemical reaction that caused him to release flatulents unexpectedly. When he releases these flatulents, it releases a stench similar to Chicken Tandoori and John Lennon's pubes. Also, if your are lucky enough to be there, you might smell a hint of chipotle lime salsa.


Contrary to popular belief, Jesus and Patric Star did not invent the various sex tecniques that we have all come to love. In fact, David Stubbs did. He invented such tecniques as "The Upside Down Tiger Leap" and "The Mexican Fried Bean Tecnique." In 1900, he released his book, "Sex: The Stubby Way." It was on the national best seller list for over 300 years. It included such tecniques as "Indian Tandoori Flip" and "Chinese Massage Woman."

Scotland Yard Leads[edit]

Stubbs back garden in Giffnock, Glasgow, Scotland has become a shrine to conspiracy theorists the world over, and many people each year come to visit the site. The site is of special interest because it is strewn with audio leads of many colours which plug in to a strange, humming device in the middle of the garden. The leads all splay outwards from the centre of the garden and are buried in the mud. No-one seems to have any information on where the leads end. Some say that Stubbs himself is at the end of all the cables.

See also[edit]