Dead Baby Jokes

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Dead Baby Jokes are a hugely popular and very socially acceptable form of wit. Reciting dead baby jokes automatically makes you extremely cool and hugely respected. They are often used to impress high standing people in society like priests, doctors, elected officials and your mother. Dead baby jokes are often used to console women who have recently miscarried. Dead baby jokes have been traced back to the 1500s, with the first written one found scrawled in the back of Shakespeare's first folio.

Examples[edit]

What do you call a dead baby on the 4th of July with red, white, and blue paint smeared all over it?
The Clowns Big Finale @shipwreck_00

How many dead babies does it take to paint a wall?
Depends how hard you throw.

What's the difference between a sandwich and a dead baby?
You don't fuck a sandwich before you eat it.

How do you make a dead baby float?
Take your foot off its head.

What's red and white and screams a lot?
A peeled baby in a bag of salt.

What do you call a baby in a pram?
Meals on wheels.

What's worse then 9 babies nailed to one tree?
1 baby nailed to 9 trees.

What's the difference between a sack of dead babies and a Mustang?
I don't have a Mustang in my garage!

How do you get 10 dead babies into a bowl?
A Blender.
How do you get them out?
Tortilla chips.

How are you sure the dead baby is actually dead ?
You gag it

What's better than finding a piece of hay in a needle stack?
Finding a dead baby in a needle stack.

Why dead baby crossed the road?
Because he was stapled to the chicken.

What happens when you put a baby in the microwave?
I don't know, I was too busy jacking off

Why would you put a baby in a blender feet first?
So you can see its face.

What's the difference between a truck full of dead babies and a truck full of bowling balls?
You can't unload a truck full of bowling balls with a pitchfork

What's the difference between an onion and a baby?
Onions make me cry when i cut them... Not laugh.

What's the difference between a dead baby and a Porsche?
I've never had sex with a Porsche!

What's the difference between a dead baby and a iPod?
I've never pushed my iPod down a garbage disposal!

What's the difference between a watermelon and a baby?
One's fun to hit with sledge hammers or baseball bats... and one's a watermelon.

What's the difference between a pile of watermelons and a pile of dead babies?
I don't have a pile of watermelons in my garage

What's the difference between a dead baby and a turkey?
The cooking time.

What's funnier than a dead baby?
A dead baby dressed in clown.

What's funnier than a basket full of dead babies?
When the one at the bottom is still alive.

What's funnier than a baby at the bottom of a basket full of dead babies ?
When the one at the bottom eats his way out.

See also[edit]