(All breeds of) Deadline (noun) is a line that has been murdered by being crossed. It is a little known fact that crossing a deadline causes it to commit suicide, because once it has been crossed it becomes redundant. However, unlike the majority of humanity who sign on to receive free weekly fixes of money, its psychology cannot cope with the feeling of being useless. A deadline is generally an emo.
The Lesser Spotted Deadline
This is the kind of deadline that you are given for tasks that have no point now and will have no point in ten years' time, since they cannot be sharpened. Crossing this deadline does not result in fatality for you, although the deadline begins slitting its wrists. Known as lesser spotted because of its tendency to be inflicted on acned youth (basically people like you, <insert name here>) and to be pointless, hence the 'lesser' part.
Generally found in schools of all shapes and sizes. Schools of whales have lesser spotted deadlines, although these generally have to be lesser spotted deadnets because of the tri-planal nature of the seas.
The Greater Spotted Deadline
This deadline may not seem important to you now, but believe me in ten years time the task you had a deadline for completion of will have gained a very sharp point indeed and will be poking you in the ribs. (also known as murderer) Known as greater spotted because again, it is generally inflicted on acned youth; it is also of greater importance than the lesser spotted deadline.
Again, generally found in schools. However these are institutionalised deadlines and hence are EVIL and must be DESTROYED by all the forces of FREEDOM and LIBERATION!!! (sorry, forgot to take my pills...)
The (extinct in general society) Bloody Deadline
This is the kind you get in holiday camps of the restrictive variety (you know, the ones where you don't get fed and no-one ever returns from the shower). Crossing it can lead to immediate fatality for you, although this deadline is a very mentally resilient deadline. It will not begin slitting its wrists until every living thing inside it has crossed it. So called because of the type of pretty liquid often seen flowing from the bodies of its victims.
This is the oldest type of deadline. The first recorded incidence of this was in the Stone Age when one tribe of prehistoric people captured a group of monkeys. They, mistaking them for other members of their own race, drew a line around the monkeys and told them not to cross that line or they would be skewered. A member of the human tribe found some bananas... And the rest, as they don't say, is prehistory.
This is the invisible line they draw just inside the door of the castle in the horror movies. If you are Final Girl you can pass this dreadline with impunity. If you are not, BEWARE MWAHAHAHA!!
Please note; in this case the word 'they' refers not to the vampires or demons or whoever else is the monster in this movie. This refers to the film makers who have decided they can make the film much more entertaining by putting the actors in mortal fear should they leave the castle.
This is what the deadline lives on when it becomes redundant. Don't we all feel sorry for the poor thing? Actually no, only emos would get depressed by that and since the deadline IS generally an emo I don't think we need to worry about its feelings. By the time it gets to this point it is on the verge of suicide anyway.
This is the line surrounding a shred guitarist's amp. Crossing this line results in your ears being shredded, hence the name. Famous guitarists with this line include:
- Yngwie Malmsteen (he may be a prick but he sure can widdle)
- Eddie Van Halen
- Randy Rhoads (RIP, the shredline rests around your grave)
- Dave Mustaine (incidences of crossing the shredline generally result in megadeth)
- Lars Johansson (beware of this shredline. It is especially potent around Candlemass)